“Love is a Combat Zone”

“Love is a Torturous Dinner Party

“Love is Confederate Incursion”

“Love is a Hangnail”

“Love is the Result of Northern Aggression”

“Love is Fervent Opposition to Foreign Imperialism”

“Love is Thwarting an Enemy Invasion With Counter-intelligence and Threat Awareness”

“Love is Democratization Following Social Upheaval”

“Love is an Alcohol-Fueled Exchange Following a University Faculty Party”

“Love is Passive Aggressive Responses to Aggressive Taunting”

“Love is What Happens when Your Sister Visits You Following Her Expulsion from Your Ancestors Southern Plantation and Upsets the Sexual Chemistry Between You And Your Husband”

“Love is Getting Salt Water Taffy Stuck on the Roof of Your Mouth”

“Love is What Happens When You Assassinate the Archduke”

“Love is When a Guest Rolls His or Her Corn on the Cob in a Stick of Butter and the Butter is Forever Disfigured and Rendered Unusable and You Don’t Know Whether to Throw the Butter Away”

“Love is Getting Sick on an Amusement Park Ride (For Which You Waited in Line More Than an Hour)”

“Love Can Be Diminished by Chronic and Perpetual References to Money and Budgeting”

“Love is a Splinter in the Heart”

“Love is Getting Scurvy on a Transatlantic Boat Ride Without Enough Oranges”

“Love is Turning Off Your Computer Before Saving Your Work on the Floppy Disk”

’Love is an Excruciating Medical Procedure"

“Love is When the Meaty Part of Your Outer Ear Gets Sunburned”

“Love is Exposing the Film in Your Kodak Film Camera”