Hey guys, I’m stuck fighting Trump, and I can’t figure out how to make Biden perform a fatality. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’ve tried every combo I can think of. Trump is just standing there, swaying back and forth dazed while the announcer bellows out, “FINISH HIM!” But then… nothing. If Biden blows this, I swear to God, my controller is going through the screen.

I’ve wondered if I’m doing something wrong earlier in the fights, but everything seems pretty flawless. I’m throwing out every possible attack on Trump I’ve got: sexual misconduct, misappropriation of funds, obstruction of justice, willful negligence, tax evasion, fraud, and every other form of corruption you could hope for in a political deathmatch. Most of the hits are landing, and Trump’s health is totally depleted, but still nothing happens. What, do I have to take Biden out to dinner first? Because I’ll do it if that’s part of the combo — Up, Down, take Biden out to dinner, B, A.

I’ve tried button mashing a bit just to see if I can luck into doing it. All that I’ve managed to do is get Biden to inch back and forth while saying something well-worded or presidential like, “Trump is unfit for this job,” or “Trump is an individual who is not concerned about the health, safety and well-being of the American people and is frankly engaged in reckless disregard for the lives and health and well-being of our citizens.” What the hell is that?

I was hoping for some move like Scorpion’s, where Biden would rip his own face off and then breathe fire on Trump. Or maybe Biden tears Trump’s head off with his bare hands, then puts on sunglasses and smiles at the camera. You know, something with passion. This election is a brutally violent deathmatch, and there are standards that need to be upheld.

I’m starting to worry Biden doesn’t think he’s supposed to perform a fatality. That can’t be right, though. The whole time Trump just keeps saying, “I’m going to perform such a beautiful fatality on you. You have no idea. I’m really excellent at fatalities, one of the best. That’s what they’re saying. You may have a fatality, but mine is bigger and more powerful. With my great and precise abilities, I will perform a fatality the likes of which few in history have ever seen.” Trump is at least trying to perform a fatality on me. If Biden isn’t also working toward a finishing death blow, he clearly doesn’t understand how modern politics work.

Maybe the developers dropped the ball and forgot to program a fatality for Biden. Maybe there’s been a huge mistake. Has anyone seen Biden perform one? I’ve done some research, but I couldn’t find anything. I keep thinking I’ve found some evidence of Biden’s hidden fatality when CNN and the New York Times post articles about Trump being “destroyed” or “blasted” by Biden. I now realize those publications’ definition of “destroyed” leaves a lot to be desired.

I’m just worried about what I’ll tell my children if I don’t figure this out. Sorry little Jimmy, but I just couldn’t figure it out, so I gave up on America? Realistically, it won’t be the hardest conversation I’ll ever have. I already have to tell this kid that I couldn’t beat Sub-Zero either. But come on! Nobody can beat Sub-Zero. That’s just ridiculous.