Hello, loyal customers —
You’ve supported me since the beginning: from my roots, as a stand at the Kenton farmers’ market, to today, with stores in almost every county in Delaware. It’s why I want you to be the first to know that, as of as of February 1st at 12:00:00 GMT when the servers go live, Grandma Worthington’s Country Pie and Jam Shoppe is officially entering the digital finance business as a blockchain cryptocurrency corporation.
I couldn’t be more excited about this. Feels like when the strudel is ready to come out of the oven, except if the strudel was used to anonymously pay arms dealers for black market Kalashnikovs.
Some of you might be wondering why Grandma Worthington’s is taking this step. What can you get from overseeing a decentralized monetary instrument, like those implicated in the rise of darknet drug exchanges, that you couldn’t get from making your classic strawberry preserves? Believe me, I’ve asked myself the same question… I’ve even had patrons tell me my peach cobbler was “like crack”! But, as Mama used to say: “If you got spare apples, you don’t keep making grape jelly!” And boy, do these investors sure seem to have a lot of spare apples on their hands. Millions and millions of apples. So you see, little Ol’ Grandma Worthington would be silly not to try to get a slice of that pie.
Now, did I know, as a young girl watching my grandmother slowly stir the cinnamon and brown sugar into the simmering fruit, that someday I’d take the recipes I’d learned, open my very own shop, then use the profits from that shop as the seed money for a high-tech startup? I’ll be honest with you — I did not! But as Papa used to say: “If you want to make it, you just gotta get out [of a volatile, low-margin business in perishables] and get on [the trend towards distributed ledger fiat currency].”
He actually may have been talking about horses but, trust me, the wisdom is universal.
You might worry that in all this kerfuffle, I’ll lose that special “Worthington touch” that you’ve come to love, but nothing could be further from the truth. Sure, things might look a smidge different. But I’ll still be here every day, bright and early, minding the shop. Just think of the water-cooled server farm as my kitchen, and the monitor wall with currency exchange rates as that bubbling pot of berries that I’ve got to keep an eye on, lest they scald. And the high-speed fiber-optic network as… the butter that keeps things everything running smooth.
Best not to overthink it, folks.
Thank you again for your faithful loyalty over the years. I’ll be including a Data Matrix code with your final order, which you can scan and redeem for a few SweetCoins upon launch. As Mama always said, if you’ve got something good, you just gotta share it! Please, share it — the value will be greatly affected by the number of people actively trading the currency.
Deborah “Grandma” Worthington
CEO, Worthington Crypto, LLC