12 Sex Positions to Try With Your Student Loans Since They’re Screwing You Anyway

1. 50 Shades of In-the-Red

2. The Reach-Around for Extra Cash

3. Missionary: Become One and Live Rent-Free!

4. Tight Squeeze on the Wallet

5. Financial Asphyxiation

6. Dead Doggy Style (who can afford vet bills?)

7. The Millennial Pounding: #sowokesobroke

8. Cowgirl: Change Your Identity to Hide from Debt Collectors

9. Reverse Cowgirl: Dammit, That Didn’t Work

10. Against a Wall, With Handcuffs!

11. You Got the Shaft

12. Total Submission