Good morning ladies and gentlemen, and welcome aboard Amtrak 2155 providing service to New York City, Philadelphia, and Washington DC. I apologize for the delay; we are currently experiencing significant existential strife as indicated by the soft wailing of the train’s wheels as they are forced once more into another day of mindless repetition. We hope to be moving shortly.
Please be advised that under new federal regulations, bags may not be placed in the aisles. Emotional baggage should similarly not be unloaded onto fellow passengers, whose expressionless faces belie deeper internal frustrations that evoke the prevalent disconnect between expectation and reality. Therefore we ask passengers to refrain from playing loud music or noticing how the confining nature of a train can mirror the mental constraints of a mind struggling to break free.
Emergency window releases are to be activated by crew member direction only.
This train will be making stops in Providence, Kingston, and Stamford before arriving in New York. This train will also be the set of a coming-of-age journey for Carolyn, a disillusioned college graduate, as she travels further into the recesses of the country, and perhaps herself too. Each stop a new point of introspection and discovery for Carolyn, this train will not be running local to New Haven. Be advised, if you want to go to New Haven, please wait for the 8:10.
Your conductors will be by shortly to take tickets. Please have them ready for inspection, this ticket an indication of your self-worth and means that may or may not have been warranted due to the color of your skin. Tickets can be purchased on board for a price relative to the economic opportunities available during one’s childhood, as a fixed price may paternalistically imply an equitable background for all riders today.
Pastries and other breakfast items are available for purchase in the snack car.
We should hopefully be out of here in a few minutes, just as soon as the track is clear of other trains that are moving faster and likely further than we could ever achieve. I would also like to update you that we will be having a track change in Philadelphia, as the current track designation is too small to fit our hopes, desires, and this train. Please plan accordingly, unlike the way you’ve been doing since she left you crying with a note that read “Always,” causing you to reject love and fall into the solitary life of a wanderer that Kerouac and so many others have instilled into the modern-day American ethos. The quiet car is available for passengers who wish to see the physical manifestation of this zeitgeist. We ask that you refrain from speaking on your phone.
Thank you for your business. We know that you have a choice in travel, and we appreciate your selecting Amtrak to fulfill your deconstructive and business needs. This train of thought will be departing shortly.