ALEXANDRA: Did you read this Guardian article about that Eurovision singing competition and how America should join? Will you set the DVR to record that?

MICHAEL: Is it broadcast in the US?

ALEXANDRA: This says on Logo at 8 pm.

MICHAEL: I don’t think we have Logo.

ALEXANDRA: What do you mean we don’t have Logo? What sort of self-respecting ally doesn’t have Logo?

MICHAEL: To be fair, I’ve been struggling with self-respect, lately. So I can’t answer that.

ALEXANDRA: Thursday is the International Day Against Homophobia, Biphobia, and Transphobia. And what are we doing?

MICHAEL: I THOUGHT we were compiling the menu for our Memorial Day barbecue but clearly someone is reading the Guardian instead of determining if we can grow our own romaine by the end of the month.

ALEXANDRA: Compiling a menu and researching germination times WHILE NOT HAVING LOGO!

MICHAEL: I said “think.” We might have Logo. I honestly have no idea. Who watches actual shows anymore when you can just watch the highlights online?


MICHAEL: While POSSIBLY not having Logo. Let me look it up. And much like a dying senator’s opposition to a torture-happy CIA director, it’s a moot point — the Eurovision finale already happened. Sunday night.


MICHAEL: Israel.

ALEXANDRA: I wonder if John Bolton orchestrated that, too. Maybe HIS nickname should be “Singing John.”

MICHAEL: I don’t care where you stand on a US Embassy in Jerusalem, that dude just wants war wherever he can get it. But while we’re on the topic of the West Bank, did you see that there’s some potentially shady stuff happening there with Sodastream again?

ALEXANDRA: Are we boycotting? Because if so, we have to rethink our barbecue libations.

MICHAEL: I’m still working on the beer situation. I heard a story on NPR about how all hops are GMO, so I’ve decided to shift our focus to finding a US-made beer that isn’t anti-union.

ALEXANDRA: Unions aren’t inherently anti-45. Much like white women, there are quite a few union members that vote against their best interests. Did you invite your cousin and his family?

MICHAEL: I did. Sam Adams is both American made AND kosher, so one decision made! And I’ll add kosher dogs to the shopping list.

ALEXANDRA: Just remember they can’t be Hebrew National. His family wouldn’t eat them last time because they weren’t kosher enough. Neither is your Big Green Egg, for that matter.

MICHAEL: Already covered. I’m going to pick up one of those disposable kosher grills.

ALEXANDRA: Oh good. Because we need MORE single-use items at an outdoor party. Just once I’d like to celebrate something without also destroying the planet. Like how many bouquets of foreign-grown flowers wrapped in tissue paper then wrapped in cellophane were sold last weekend, you think? Does anyone think of Mother Earth on Mother’s Day?

MICHAEL: Probably as many people as will be thinking about that Oakland family as they fire up their grills in various parks on Memorial Day.

ALEXANDRA: Or of Stonewall during next month’s Pride celebrations. BUT I BET THEY AT LEAST HAVE LOGO.

MICHAEL: Fine. I’ll figure out the Logo situation. I was just reading RuPaul keeps an English-to-Yiddish dictionary under his chair during Drag Race tapings and I can always use more puns for my cousin.

ALEXANDRA: You’re going to serve those Orthodox Chews, aren’t you?

MICHAEL: Summer is saltwater taffy season. #Let’sJewThis.

ALEXANDRA: You mean, #LetMyPeopleLogo.

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