Would you like to sign up for our rewards program?
Will I have to take any risks to get the rewards? How dangerous are those risks in proportion to the rewards? When I get a reward, is there a ceremony? Do dignitaries come? How do you choose the dignitaries?
Can I help you find anything?
Can you, in a role so much more important than helping me find something, tell me what I am looking for? Is there an item in these clothing racks that can attract a spiritual guide who will lead me to my destiny? Also, could you come to the parking lot with me and help me find my car?
Are you looking for something special?
Is “special” a strong enough word to describe the object of desire that forms a hazy silhouette in one’s mind and drives one into a store hoping that this vaguely imagined thing will manifest itself in physical awesomeness? Do you know the true meaning of the word, “awesome”? Would you like to use my dictionary app?
Can I get a room started for you?
Have you sensed my deep need for sanctuary? Can you offer me a refuge from this world of pain? A haven from weariness? Shelter from crushing responsibility? Do you understand how profoundly I need to rest? Can the mirrors in this room reflect not only my image but my inner resources which I seem to have misplaced in the food court?
Do you know about our buy-one-get-one-free deal?
When deciding which one is free, do you use the same seemingly arbitrary method imposed on humankind? Is there a clown judge who sits on high sorting through clothing and people and ideas, randomly choosing which should be free? Am I less liberated than a child in France? More shackled than this cashmere tunic? If I figure this out, will I see God?
How’s your day going so far?
Do you really want me to answer this? Can you not see by my face that I entered this store as a tonic for a day that can only be described as toxically disappointing? How the phrase “so far” only reminds me that my precious lifetime allotment of serendipity seems to be used up and the only thing I can hope will bring me delight today is the discovery of a flattering sale item in my size? Any chance one of those dressing rooms leads to a speakeasy? No? What if I join the rewards program?