Dear Sons and Daughters,

While you continue to inhabit our residence, exhaust our resources, and cause anxiety, we would like to ensure that you are fully submersed in the educational opportunities available to you.

We have worked diligently to create a curriculum that encompasses a broad number of topics for you to study while attending this honorable institution. Here are the courses that are available, ahem, required if you are interested in pursuing a life in this household.

The Origins of Justice:
A Multilevel Approach to Fairness
in Times of Dictatorship

It has been stated time and time again that life is not fair, and we will continue to unpack this statement, digging deeper and deeper into who got what when and the varying degrees of fairness that exist under dictatorial structures and systems.

Identifying Trends in
Cross-Sibling Interactions

A very popular course because of its widespread applicability, we will thoroughly examine who really “started it.” Because of its multi-sibling approach this class fills quickly. Priority is given to those considering serious study.

Investigative Accountability
for the Terminally Innocent

Determining who is truly responsible for any individual act or series of acts is the backbone of a functioning familial system. Required for all incoming siblings.

Issues of Self Protection
in a Post Global Warming World

An in-depth look at the pros and cons of outerwear and the situations that warrant more than a sweatshirt. Prerequisite: Intro to Responsibility or Normal Society 101.

Finding Meaning in
a Non-Literal Landscape

This course navigates the framework of basic conversation and defines true meaning when faced with ambiguity. An example of dialogue to be examined:

Threat: “If you don’t cut it out, I’m going to take it back.”
Response: “You can’t take back what you didn’t give.”

Many Voices:
A Seminar on the
Dynamics of Dialogue

An issue that continues to plague the family is the multi-faceted argument of who said what. This course will offer an examination of new approaches to these challenges, including but not limited to the popular STFU theory.

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We hope that you enjoy your semester at our university. Unfortunately, due to looming budget cuts and the mental instability of the faculty, we cannot promise that these courses will be offered in the future.

Class registration is open. We suggest you make the most of this opportunity.

The Dean of Studies

PS. Please report to your work-study assignment in the dining hall immediately.