“It’s nice not having a commute.” = Sometimes I go 72 hours without stepping foot outside.

“My commute is only five steps!” = Sometimes even that seems like too many.

“It’s super flexible.” = One time I went to Wendy’s for lunch and then went back to Wendy’s 45 minutes later for a Frosty.

“I don’t have a manager breathing down my neck.” = I can sit on the toilet for half an hour and no one can stop me.

“I get to work in my pajamas.” = I’ve had a bad hair day for 285 consecutive days.

“It’s nice and quiet.” = I’m so alone I can hear the roof rats scurrying around my attic.

“It saves money on food and transportation.” = Even though there’s one 5 minutes away, I will drive 15 minutes to the third closest grocery store after work to buy a second jar of mayonnaise if it means getting out of the house.

“I’m able to get stuff done around the house.” = I can unload the dishwasher over the course of eight hours instead of all at once.

“It helps if you have a good routine.” = I don’t have a routine, but I’m sure it would help me if I did.

“It’s great! = It’s terribly lonely.