Uncle Ken posts on Facebook that his Amazon package was stolen by Antifa. Roll a Persuasion check with disadvantage.
You come to a T-shaped intersection. To your left, you see a Beholder — a terrifying floating monster with a snarling, toothy maw, and a dozen eyeball tentacles looking in every direction. To your right is a Jogger approaching with a red hat and no mask. What do you do?
It is Tuesday at 5:01 pm. You and your spouse both reach for the same nearly-empty bottle of Elven wine. Roll for Initiative.
On your left you pass a bustling tavern, packed with the sounds of drinking and merriment. Would you like to go into a Rage?
You receive 1d12 of Bardic Inspiration from a video of a Direwolf puppy howling along to Taylor Swift’s Folklore.
It is now 2 am. Would you like to take a Long Rest, or check your voter registration again?
You see a Twitter account named ABOLISH DEEZ NUTZ #ACAB reply to Elon Musk by saying, “Now cancel culture has gone too far ;)” with a screenshot of a Bret Stephens column from 2016. Roll an Investigation check to spend the next 45 minutes deciphering what is happening.
You post something to Instagram about “silver linings.” Roll Deception against yourself.
After five months of working part-time from home, Kevin the Boss emails you with the subject line “Just Checking In.” Roll Perception to check for traps.
As you read the Cedarbrook Kindergarten 2020-21 Distance Learning Plan, your daughter climbs onto your back, screams, and bites you. Until the end of your next turn, you are considered Grappled and Frightened.
Just to mix things up, roll a melee attack against yourself.
You receive a push notification about Bret Stephens’ new column titled “The Other Creeping Fascism.” The first sentence links to that tweet by “ABOLISH DEEZ NUTZ #ACAB” as well as the Wikipedia entry for Kristallnacht. You immediately take 4 levels of Exhaustion.
You enter the crypt and open the bejeweled chest on the altar, revealing a dusty Ellen Degeneres-branded facemask that says BE KIND. Its hospital-grade filter gives you +2 on Constitution saving throws, but it lowers your Charisma by 10. You also find 1200 gold, which is about half the rent for your one-bedroom keep.
The Lich points his gnarled staff at you and casts Summon Greater Demon, causing your feed to fill with unmuted videos of Tucker Carlson. You take 112 points of Psychic Damage.
Roll a History check to remember February.
The moment you touch the pulsing gem, you are teleported from this world into a psychic prison in the Astral Plane. You are trapped and alone in an empty room, save for a table and chair. You peer out the window into the purple ether and see gigantic horned worms shrieking in pain, fury, or both. Roll an Insight check to determine if this is better or worse.