Two roads diverged in a wood, and I — I took the one less traveled. Duh.
He was my North, my South, my East, and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest.
But when I had a fever, he had no test
Just looked at me and said, Be Best.
I wandered lonely as a cloud, as the CDC advised.
Because I could not stop for Death—
He kindly stopped for me—
So I Clorox-wiped the shit out him.
Hope springs eternal in the human breast
Just avoid the face.
The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
Another night of Netflix and Chill.
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
Better yet, actually be out of my sight.
At any given moment in the middle of a city
there’s a million epiphanies occurring
Stay inside until they’re done.
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that shares his Zoom with me
Shall be my brother.
Do not go gentle into that good night
without first Purelling.
She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that’s best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes;
But looking is all you’ll get tonight
To hold her hand would be unwise.
Because I could not stop for death/He kindly stopped for me.
Fortunately, I remained more than six feet away.
The ladies men admire, I’ve heard,
Would shudder at a wicked word.
But it’s you touching their stuff they find absurd.
O Captain! my Captain! our fearful trip is done,
The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won.
Invite me on another cruise, and I swear to god I’ll run.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
I am not coming to your luncheon.
There’s a stake in your fat black heart
And the villagers never liked you.
They are dancing and stamping on you.
They always knew it was you.
Who coughed in the produce aisle.
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?
Still stocking toilet paper? I’ll take a ream.
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate
Thou looks like thou hasn’t been outside for a week…
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
We’re gonna find out, because you’re not acting on it until at least May.
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
Answer that door and I’ll start a slapping.
I have eaten
that were in
Alexa, order more plums.
April is the cruellest month
Unless you count March, which sucks bigly.
We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
Donate it to your doctor, they did not stockpile.
Such wilt thou be to me, who must,
Like th’ other foot, obliquely run;
Thy firmness makes my circle just,
And makes me end where I begun.
Jog ’round this kitchen island I must
I should have bought a Peloton.
I celebrate myself, and sing myself,
What the fuck else am I gonna do, I’m by myself?