To our loyal fans,
The current situation is rapidly evolving. It’s impossible to know how the world will look a day from now — let alone a month. Many of our fellow performers have canceled shows across the country. We respect their decisions. However, The Spring Saliva Licktacular is different.
For 45 years, The Tongue Boys and our moist leader, Sergeant Slobber, have brought a salivating celebration of spit to Syracuse, New York. We’ve packed each show to the brim with oral humor, soggy songs, and a whole lot of love. Millions of frothing fans have belly laughed as we’ve licked each other from head to toe.
To end that tradition would be to shatter the soul of America.
We won’t lie. Things are looking bleak. The coronavirus has shaken our country to its foundations. That is exactly why America needs to watch “The Boys” drooling on our Dripping Dancers now more than ever. Americans need to forget about their troubles, if only for a moment.
There’s a certain magic in seeing Phillip Phlegm rescue Baby Uvula from the Spittle Tank. There’s a charm to throwing a soaking wet sponge at the evil Megajaw. There’s a community spirit in getting blasted by Sergeant Slobber’s high-velocity saliva cannons with thousands of fellow Tongueheads.
Our art has the power to heal, and it must live on.
Of course, we will be taking all the appropriate precautions. Audience members will sit in bleachers instead of a communal pool, and, sadly, concession workers will no longer lick the hot dogs from tip to tip before slopping them into Loogie Buns. However, there are certain things we will not go without.
Our VIP Lick & Greet will continue as planned. The heroic Phillip Phlegm will tongue kiss every willing audience members as they enter the stadium. And most importantly, all four boys will slurp the same porous potato into their gaping, juicy mouths then hurl it into the stands. These salivary details are the core of our art. Eliminating them would render our work unrecognizable.
This is how we bring moist light to this dark world.
There are some who say holding our performance would be irresponsible. These critics say that we have caused a flu “epidemic” each year for the last 45 years. They ask why this year would be any different.
We admit. It’s a risk. Yet, we can’t let any virus take away what makes life worth living. That is precisely the point Megajaw makes each time he puts an audience member’s entire head into his mouth.
We need to make each second of this life count. That’s why America needs the Tongue Boys.
Virus or no, please consider coming to the Licktacular on April 27th. Order online with code LICKANDSAVE50 to get $5 off your tickets. You won’t regret it.
Sergeant Slobber, Megamouth, Baby Uvula & Phillip Phlegm