How should I structure my article’s title?
The only acceptable structure for an article title is “Kind of Clever and Dated Pop Culture Reference: Jargon-Filled Description of the Paper.” Example:

“Dude, Where’s My Car?: Hegemonic Masculine Normative Belongingness during Liminal Prediscursive Performative Rituals of NASCAR Fandom.”

How do I cite snarky reviewer comments saying that I will never publish an article when I finally get it published in another journal?
Put those comments in a footnote on the first page. If you can guess the identity of the reviewer, do so. Include that unflattering photo from their faculty webpage.

Why did you stop requiring the publisher’s city in book citations? I cannot complete my research if I don’t know where Harper and Row is located!
They’re located in New York City. We’re surprised you didn’t know. They bring it up in EVERY conversation.

How do I cite the article my asshole advisor wrote by stealing my master’s thesis?
Give the author a demeaning nickname in quotation marks. In parenthesis, put (Stolen From) and then include your name and thesis title. Give yourself a positive nickname — you deserve it. Example:

Kirkland, Chester “Dickhead.” “Bringin’ Sexy Bach: Erotic Undertones in the Overtures of Johann Sebastian Bach.” (Stolen from Katherine “Einstein” McManus, Baby Got Bach: Sexual Organs in Baroque Music, MA Thesis). Early Music, vol. 47, no. 5, 2019, pp. 737-762.

For an in-text citation, just use the demeaning nickname. Example:

(Dickhead 741).

How do I cite that article I’ve been talking about for years but never got around to actually writing?
Give the paper a very distant publication date and list the publication as a made-up journal. Example:

Doe, John. “Who Let the Dogs Out?: Phenomenological Symbolization of Cerberus in Intergenerational Online Discourse Communities.” Journal of Humanistic Thoughts and Ideas, vol. 177, no. 17, 2048, pp. 1098-1167.

Do I have to use one-inch margins on my paper?
The Ninth Edition of the MLA Handbook offers principles over prescriptive practices. But if you use anything other than one-inch margins, we will break your legs with a life-size bust of William Butler Yeats.

Should I use the Oxford comma?
Of course, you maniac! Who do you think we are, those freewheeling hippies at the Associated Press?

Do I need to do something special to cite the footnotes in Infinite Jest?
Yeah, we’re gonna level with you here. We only made it like 100 pages into Infinite Jest. But our profile says it’s our favorite book, so be cool, okay?

How do I cite Snapchat?
We don’t know what Snapchat is. But we finally told you how to cite Facebook posts. You kids still use the Facebook, right?

How do I cite that episode of Breaking Bad where Gus dies in that retirement home explosion?
Hey, spoilers! We just started Season 3!

Can I use the cherries emoji to represent butts, balls, and breasts?
The cherries emoji should only represent testicles and breasts. To signify a human bottom, you must use the peach emoji.

When is your next convention?
Our upcoming MLA convention starts at the same time as that New Year’s Eve party you want to attend and ends at the same time as the first class you’re scheduled to teach next semester. Your presentation is scheduled at 8:00 in the morning on the last day of the convention and we forgot to put it in the program. See you there!!