1. A Navy Suit

A simple, understated navy suit should be the foundation of every man’s wardrobe. Dress it up with plain shirt and tie, or down with a patterned oxford and jeans — just make sure it’s single-breasted, professionally tailored, and the pockets are free of all carrion, food scraps, and loose grains.

2. Raw Selvedge Jeans

Whether you opt for boot-cut, skinny or straight, a good pair of jeans should be slim but not too tight, the denim stiff but not too restrictive, giving you both a flattering silhouette and the flexibility to sprint wildly in the direction of safety. Make sure you pick a premium raw denim, which — unlike cheaper, mass-produced denim — gives better protection against a nightmarish whirlwind of beaks and talons.

3. A White Shirt

Never underestimate the timeless appeal of a plain white fitted shirt, or the predatory, territorial bloodthirst of the common American crow.

4. Penny Loafers

Some people will have you believe there isn’t one shoe to rule them all, whether you’re at the office, a formal evening event, or retrieving snake and rodent carcasses from the gutters and bird baths in your own backyard. To these people we say: Classic full-grain calfskin penny loafers, ideally in cognac or hazelnut.

5. Accessories

Fashion is about presenting your best self to the world, and a simple, well-chosen accessory is the key to tying an outfit together with a touch of individuality. A simple, elegant wristwatch or colorful pocket square will suffice, or you might consider a plastic owl decoy, or propane motion-activated sound cannon.