Halloween happy time for Frankenstein. Very happy time. It one time of year no one scared of Frankenstein. Me fit in. Feel normal. All of sudden, giant forehead not grotesque. Neck bolts, cool. It total one-eighty. Frankenstein go to lot of parties. Halloween like magic, turn lady into hornball. Me think because everyone escape real world for one night. Become someone else. Frankenstein become someone else too—monster who get crazy amount of poontang.

Rest of year me sit in basement lab. Me outcast. No one want see Frankenstein, let alone see Frankenstein naked. But soon as costumes come out, it on like Donkey Kong. Me walk into party, people cheer. Frankenstein hero. Lady line up to get inside trouser. Sometime men want get with Frankenstein, too, but Frankenstein no go that way. One time, long ago, but not love it, honestly.

Lady-friend very happy after hump Frankenstein. Frankenstein like to take credit but truth is mad scientist very generous with Frankenstein johnson. He good guy. Really good guy. He do Frankenstein solid.

Whole year with no action no good for Frankenstein. Frankenstein have serious case of D.S.B. It acronym. Mean deadly sperm build-up. It make Frankenstein irritable. Me have no outlet for sex frustration. End up doing lot of knitting believe it or not. Have pile of scarf and sweater to prove it.

Over years, Frankenstein get with bunnies, nurses, cheerleaders. Put lot of notches in coffin. Last year, Frankenstein have three-way with two stewardess. Let’s just say Frankenstein tray table in upright position for like three hours. Frankenstein cherish sex memories. Each one go right into spank bank for twelve lonely month ahead.

This one time of year Frankenstein can do other thing, too, beside nasty boom-booms. Simple thing like sit in diner. Enjoy nice turkey club. Maybe cup matzo ball soup. No one stare or point at Frankenstein. Me can even pick up dry cleaning and go supermarket. Instead of run away, people high-five Frankenstein. It really nice. But morning after, it back to basement lab for Frankenstein. It bittersweet moment when Halloween over. On one hand, it so long before next year. Other hand, Frankenstein junk pretty raw and need big break.

Frankenstein always peek through basement window next day. See people back to regular life. No costume, no makeup. It make Frankenstein sad. Frankenstein freak again. And not good kind of freak like night before. This not costume for Frankenstein. This reality. Frankenstein just hideous monster. Hideous monster who get laid like total maniac every freaking Halloween!