Thanks, White House folks. We can all agree the last eight years have been memorable as all get-out. I’d like y’all to join me in commemoratin’ ’em with a brief presentation. Condi? Lights?
Let’s start the tuneage. “Life Is a Highway” by Rascal Flatts. Magical.
Here’s somethin’ you might remember. March, 2003. Shock and awe.
Sure, don’t be shy. Y’all can applaud Baghdad explodin’.
Here’s a picture a few seconds later. Same explodin’ rug market. If I flip between the pictures fast, it looks like the bomb’s goin’ off.
Gonna keep flippin’. Tell me when to stop.
OK, I’ll stop.
Here’s L. Paul Bremer. Next.
Aha! Karl Rove. I’m sure y’all have seen ol’ Turdblossom shootin’ his mouth off on Fox News. Good on ya, Turdblossom.
Here’s Donald Rumsfeld—we’re sad about Donald. Popped up on that show Intervention. I never heard of an addiction to spray paint. Finally tracked him down at a men’s hotel in Dallas. Donald has his good days, Donald has his bad days.
Here’s Bob Woodward after he wrote Bush at War. Liked the dude. Good dude.
Here’s Woodward after Plan of Attack. Started gettin’ on my nerves at this point.
Here we see Woodward after State of Denial. Gotta ask, what happened to that dude? Used to be such a good dude.
Whoops! How’d that get in here? Heh-heh! Next!
Here’s one of the White House chipmunk. Sat outside my window, chatterin’ away, happy as you please. Always came around, good times or bad. I called him No-Judge. I love No-Judge.
No-Judge is dead now. Next.
Here’re some bumper stickers they did of me. “Shave Bush in ’04.” Don’t care for that. “Buck Fush.” Heh-heh. OK, that one’s clever.
That’s Barney the dog.
That’s Barney M.K. II. First Barney was too yappy. Wanted to lose him first term, but that woulda been seen as bein’ weak. Right after re-election, we sent the yappy bastard walkin’.
Heh-heh. Lady in the front row just got “Buck Fush.”
Paul Wolfowitz. Wolfie’s doing real well. Tempin’, gettin’ the good jobs. Put together this presentation for me. If you need any PowerPoints made, talk to Wolfie.
This one’s good. I always say history will judge my administration fairly. No tellin’ who our future, fair historians will be, but my money’s on this kid. Met him last week. Eight-year-old, name of Sammy. One of those little nerds who memorizes capitals. Even wears a bow tie. Sammy’s gonna treat us right.
Abu Ghraib. Gonna brief Sammy on that. Needs to hear my side of it.
Bear Stearns. Next.
Lehman Brothers. Next.
Not even gonna look at this one. Next.
These last ones are just some pictures I took when I was testin’ out my iPhone. Think that’s my pant leg. Could be Condi’s face, but it’s blurry. Maybe it isn’t. Don’t know what that is. Next.
We done yet? I’m sick of bein’ president. Makes me sad.
Dick Cheney’s laughin’. Now Big Time’s makin’ shadow puppets! Makes me happy.
Huh. See that? “Life Is a Highway” ended. I timed this out perfect! Heh-heh!