Calling all office warriors and lunchtime heroes, a brand-new FEED is coming to this location. If you haven’t yet visited one of our eighty-one other identical locations in the city that all popped up last month, you’re in for a delicious new way to get the fuel you need to finish your workday strong. Think Sweetgreen—but it’s pig food.
Oink-oink, piggies, it’s feedin’ time. So line on up and dip your rabid snouts into our fast-casual slop trough. Hey now, take it easy: there’s enough slop to go around.
When we started FEED, we asked ourselves, How can we craft an even more degrading and impersonal lunch experience than Chipotle, Sweetgreen, DIG, Cava, Pokeworks, Chopt, or the one that’s Chipotle for Chinese food? The answer: We make no effort to gesture at any type of recognizable cuisine. Why? Because lunch shouldn’t be something you’re meant to enjoy. Our slop is fuel for productive city piggies. How fast can your hooves type?
The process is simple: just trot on in, wrassle your way past the other hungry hogs for a spot at the trough, and go to town gobbling up that nutritious slop. No need to chew here. And—aht, aht, aht!—no hands allowed.
We believe in efficiency more than flavor. If everything goes right, you can be in and out in forty-five seconds flat having only spent $22.50.
If you have to eat lunch at your desk, we also offer our slop to go. Just load up a big ol’ pile of corn mush, alfalfa pellets, and table scraps onto a flimsy little paper saucer to bring back to your sty. Then shovel it into your grunting hog-mouth while avoiding eye contact with the reflection in your monitor.
Are you squealing yet? Squeal for us. We want to hear you squeal.
At FEED, our day starts early, just like you. The sun’s only just come up as we dump our steaming batch of industrial swine feed from a metal bucket into the sleek, white minimalist trough. You’ll know we’re open when you hear our manager holler, “Here, piggy-piggy!” while ringing a bell with a long fibrous rope. If you don’t want to get slop on your semi-casual office attire, just ask for a single-use bib. Aw! Piggy would look so cute in that. Show us that snout.
For our loyal trough slurpers, you’ll grunt and snort with delight over our rewards program. For every ten lunches you have at FEED, we’ll give you a complimentary apple core and a pat on the head. Why? Because that’s what you deserve, pig.
You may work in a tall office building, but our restaurant is here to remind you that you are just a pig amongst pigs. You don’t matter, you are matter.
Bon appetit, from the FEED fam. Also, guacamole is extra.