1. “They already have the one they seek.”

2. “Don’t be lured by the sweet appearance: it is death.”

3. “You will not earn back the hours you put in until you have done so.”

4. “And in the end, his fingers fell off.”

5. “Ask the wise one in the ivory tower for advice.”

6. “Is two pages too many pages? Would one page convince both less and more?”

7. “The voice, having been lost, can only be restored by silence.”

8. “Recommenders may cease to recommend if asked to recommend again.”

9. “You cut off the toes to fit the shoe, but the shoe still does not fit.”

10. “Do not listen to your partner’s advice. He works in finance.”

11. “It would be better to sleep through all of this.”

12. “What you send into the void is what you most value.”

13. “Your CV has a subhead: ‘Spinning straw into gold.’”

14. “What’s the sound of one hand cramping?”

15. “I do not recognize these dwarfs, yet I feel at home.”

16. “What time is ‘until the position is filled’?”

17. “Eventually they will wake up; until then, we wait.”

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Academic job market advice: 1-17