Show your healthcare specialist any of these promo codes and enjoy the benefits!

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CLEANBILL – Regardless of your current state (sick, drunk, French, deceased), the doctor will give you a clean bill of health! Not valid in France.

DIPLOMA – You get to hang your own diploma on the wall right next to the doctor’s! If you don’t have a diploma, you may instead hang up your written justification for not getting one.

KEEPAMAG – Take home any magazine in the doctor’s waiting room! Honestly, you don’t even need the promo code to do this.

HOUSE – Your doctor will pretend to be Hugh Laurie throughout your appointment! Code invalid if your doctor already is Hugh Laurie.

VETERAN – Be treated like a decorated military veteran while getting treatment! Sadly, this is not a good thing.

FREESHIP – Your transplant organs will be shipped free of cost! Organs will be shipped via USPS within 10-15 business days. Organs may not be shipped to a PO Box, residence, or hospital.

BLUEAPRON – Enjoy one free month of Blue Apron meals! Your doctor has to pay for it.

SWITCHLIVES – You and the doctor will switch lives, instantly making you the doctor and them the patient! Enjoy a new occupation that finally celebrates your terrible penmanship! Can only be used once, so make sure pick a successful doctor, preferably Hugh Laurie.

TRUMP – Your doctor will go golfing and your appointment will be canceled! You will still be billed and this will happen several times.

FLOSS – Your dentist won’t call you a dirty fucking liar when you tell him or her that you floss everyday! They may still call you a liar, but won’t use the term “dirty fucking” before it.

TATTOOREMOVE – You’ll receive one free laser tattoo removal! Code void if the doctor deems your tattoo too badass and cool to be removed.

WHY??? – An expert will detail why healthcare seems so confusing and will then help you find the best solution to providing you the care you need in an affordable manner. Not valid in America.

MAKEAWISH – Your doctor will lie and say you’re a young child with an incurable disease so that you can swindle the Make-A-Wish Foundation into sending you on a wonderful vacation! Code valid until the Make-A-Wish Foundation wises up.

FREEPAD – Receive a complimentary doctor’s prescription pad! Prescribing yourself more prescription pads is not allowed.

BETTERBLOOD – Receive a complete blood transfusion from someone objectively better than you! Code invalid if you are Hugh Laurie, since nobody is better than you.