Microeconomics attempts to answer the age-old question: How many thrift stores can coexist on the same block and remain profitable? (Six.)

Macroeconomics is the study of what went wrong to result in a society where that’s possible.

Shorting is shaving your walrus mustache before it’s gone out of style.

Tariffs are the exorbitant shipping prices you willingly and frequently pay for enamel pins on Etsy.

Perfect competition is when two people wear translucent glasses frames to the same gallery opening.

Equilibrium exists when the number of holes in your jeans is equal to the number of dollars you paid for them.

A sunk cost is an iPhone X sitting at the bottom of a urinal at a Father John Misty concert.

Game theory attempts to determine how much time your friends and family are willing to sacrifice for your Improv 101 showcase.

An appraisal is a judgmental evaluation given in lieu of a reasonable greeting.

Perfect efficiency is looking like the most cultured person in the room without undergoing any of the effort involved in actually becoming that person.

Diminishing returns set in after bringing up your “modest” vinyl collection for the third time in one evening.

A price ceiling is the maximum amount of money you can charge for a rock encased in mangled paper clips.

Perfect elasticity occurs when a man bun is supported by just the right number of broccoli rubber bands.

Import refers to whatever minority culture you most recently appropriated in the name of aesthetics.

Export refers to the family of four you recently replaced in your Brooklyn brownstone.

Scalability is the capacity for a group of self-proclaimed individualists to look and act more and more alike in larger and larger numbers.

Inflation occurs when your ego outgrows your pile of unread New Yorkers.

Absolute advantage is wearing a T-shirt from 1898.