I don’t hate women candidates. I just hated Hillary Clinton because she’s a Pizzagate Benghazi warlord with a satanic clone double, and I coincidentally hated Elizabeth Warren because she’s a lying coastal elite Antifa socialist who earned money as a lawyer and dominated her marine sex slave lover. And I don’t hate Black candidates but, of course, I hated Obama, on account of the tan suit.

But now Joe Biden announced his running mate and it’s Kamala Harris, and my head just exploded.

Before you judge me, let me assure you that I am a totally open, measured, logical thinking kind of man. Imagine if Elon Musk and Jordan Peterson had a Ben Shapiro love child with Milo Yiannopoulos as their magical nanny. That’s who I am. Just an ordinary fair-minded red-pill-popping free-thinker whose head just fragmented into a gazillion pieces.

I’m no racist. In fact, I’m the second-least racist person I know after Donald Trump, who is so un-racist that he’s helping put Kanye West on the ballot. I have no problem with the Blacks, so long as they don’t advocate for their rights at sporting events or at protests or by writing about the embarrassing and oppressive aspects of American history —  another thing that makes my cranium go kablooey. I love Black candidates! My splintered brain is completely specific to Kamala Harris, for measured and well-thought-out reasons, like the fact that she wasn’t truthful about listening to Tupac.

As for those who think knee-jerk misogyny is responsible for my reaction, you couldn’t be more mistaken. I’m a champion of women  —  of all women. I am the father of a daughter and the brother of a sister and the grandson of a grandmother and the son of a mother who I secretly hate. “Bring on the lady candidates!” is something I say all the time. But Kamala isn’t a lady. I don’t mean that she’s secretly a man like Hillary, but she’s unsuitable to hold power because she sought power. And she never even expressed remorse for it, an outrage that shattered my skull to smithereens.

Holy cow! My three-year-old just looked up from his Magna Doodle and asked, “How can liberals and progressives not care that Kamala is a cop?” Yes! My non-imaginary child really said that! Did I mention that Kamala is a cop and that this talking point is totally not a contrived and bot-driven narrative that was pushed by people who are scared of her? So if you’re a liberal-leaning fellow who can’t quite put your finger on why your own head is exploding, feel free to latch right onto that as your reason for disliking Kamala.

Look. If there’s one thing we can learn from Harris’s many accomplishments  —  as a district attorney, state attorney general, and a U.S. senator, she advocated for LGBTQ rights, immigrant rights, women’s rights, victim’s rights, helped defend Obamacare, worked for website data collection transparency, and consistently supported a progressive agenda —  it’s that she’s too ambitious.

What’s more, Kamala Harris is too left-wing and also too right-wing. She’s too Black, but she’s also not Black enough. She’s too angry, and I don’t like how she has money. She’s dated men and her campaign was flawed, and she’s an authoritarian, and something about Sean Hannity and a Twitter official?

And those are only the things I managed to think of today, but believe me, I will think of many more bad things in the coming days and weeks and months, and there will be articles and op-eds and exhausting and unending social media discussions about these things, and these things will trend more and more as the election approaches, until there is a crescendo of unbridled hatred directed at this woman for no good reason. Don’t ask me how I know that will happen. It’s just a hunch.

And you know what the sad thing is? I was actually thinking about voting for Joe Biden. Sure, he’s no successful businessman, but he’s likable and I get tired of the endless Trumpworld drama. But now that my gray matter is shredded to bits because the thought of Kamala Harris as vice president has short-circuited my entire central nervous system, I can’t vote for her. What will become of this country?