I love my work. I love how it wakes me in the morning and tucks me in at night. I love my work family, especially since I can’t see my actual family. I love expanding my vocabulary with words like “furloughed.” I love how I’m challenged to redo assignments because my boss doesn’t know what he wants, and then when he does figure it out, I’m challenged to redo them again. I love my girlfriend’s glares after I finish work before bed.

I love Zoom. I love how I work in the New York office, but I’m helping with a project in the LA office, so I get to say hello to my co-workers at 9 AM and 9 PM. I love seeing my vacation days dissipate in front of me.

I love the little games we play, like scheduling a meeting as I’m showering. I love drowning myself in projects to eschew the constant fear of death. I love when someone speaks on mute during a video call, and then a co-worker tells them they’re on mute, and then we all laugh miserably. I love canceling trips. I love Zoom happy hours with my co-workers, my only friends and family right now. I love having no hobbies, passions, or interests for the past few months.

I love working on the weekend for a Monday meeting. I love working during the week for a Saturday check-in. I love talking about work during my therapy sessions. I love thinking I could lose my job at any second. I love the tours of my cramped apartment that I give my co-workers. I love fun, wonky Zoom backgrounds that hide my terror and paranoia. I love being told to be thankful for having a job. I love my office/ sleeping/ restaurant/bar/ entertainment space.

I love seeing the world from my window as I frantically send emails. I love using my wok as I frantically send emails. I love watching movies as I frantically send emails. I love lying next to my understandably annoyed partner as I frantically send emails.

I love how my brain spirals as I sit in meetings. I love going for my daily walks just to go back to work. I love the constant falsehoods of how life will resume to normal. I love meeting reminders. I love my work.