“Tucker Carlson is facing heat over comments he made while calling in to the shock-jock radio program Bubba the Love Sponge years ago — but the Fox News host does not appear particularly stressed about the backlash.” — Vanity Fair, 3/11/19

- - -

It has been brought to my attention by the desperate vultures lurking on social media, waiting for respected media personalities to slip up, that I may have made comments that the pinko-liberal safe-space commie snowflakes have deemed “controversial” over a decade ago to some friends on their satirical radio show. Accordingly, I’d like to go on record and say to all the Marxist feminazis out there that I don’t really care that their feelings are hurt and I refuse to apologize.

This is exactly what the lamestream media loves to turn into controversy: old, harmless, joking asides, made to a couple of buddies, about rape cults, the underdeveloped psyche of women, and sexual assault. Who among us hasn’t found ourselves, when in conversation with a couple of idiot radio hosts, casually contemplating our teenage daughter’s sexuality? Is that really what we’re getting fired up about nowadays?

To that, I say this: The numbers speak for themselves. My audience loves when I say the word “spanking” regardless of context, but specifically when I’m talking about ugly women. It’s no accident that I’m the most watched cable news show on the most popular cable news network. I’m not going to be bullied into a corner just because I made some “naughty” joke about the felony of sexual battery. People love it! The real issue here is that some folks don’t like having their biases called out. Like me or not, I’ll still be on your grandparents’ television every night alluding to the fact that statutory rape isn’t a crime. And they’ll probably defend me to you at your next family dinner!

Face it. This is Fox News — the President of the United States calls on me every week for advice. We do what we want here, and we won’t be intimidated by a bunch of toothless pansies from MSNBC. They’ll probably appoint me as a presidential debate moderator by Wednesday, and when the time comes, I’ll probably ask the female candidates to take their tops off. No one cares!

You see, I’ve had a tremendously successful career making misogynistic and homophobic and racist comments. Just imagine what I have said in the past that hasn’t resurfaced yet! The reality is that as much as liberals whine and cry they’ll never stop me, even as I proudly articulate my ambivalence for the illegalities of child rape.

And as long as I’m protected by my network and advertisers, they never will.