Growing up, my parents always told me one thing: stop peeing in the sink. They also told me to follow my dreams. Last year, I was a miserable law student. But this year, I couldn’t be happier selling small hats to various iguanas on Instagram.

When I told my friends I was dropping out of law school to sell a gray tweed cap to a Galapagos Land Iguana named Alexander Hamilton, they were shocked and dismayed. They asked me ridiculous questions, like “How are you going to pay the rent?” and “Do iguanas even like wearing hats?”

But today, I am rolling in it. I always knew how lucrative the iguana-hat market was, but no one would listen to me. Well, they can laugh all they want, because I just cashed a fat check from selling a diamond-encrusted Kentucky Derby hat to a Rhinoceros Iguana named Paula.

I go to sleep every night knowing I am making way more of a difference in the world than I ever would have as a human-rights lawyer. I sell all kinds of hats to all kinds of iguanas. Polka-dotted hats for striped iguanas, and striped hats for polka-dotted iguanas. Snapbacks for Grand Cayman Iguanas, and sun hats for Desert Iguanas. I’ve sold balaclavas to Jamaican Iguanas, and party hats for a party of Spiny Chuckwallas. I even sell yarmulkes to Jewish iguanas.

My iguana hats are made of the finest materials sourced from all over the world. There is no iguana I cannot make a hat for.

When I was first getting started, I was lost and confused. I said to my mentor, world-renowned maker of cummerbunds for Persian cats on Instagram, Justin Boucher, “What if the iguanas don’t like my hats?”

And you know what he said to me?

“You don’t need to ask permission to make hats for iguanas. Make the hats. The iguanas will come. Also, stop peeing in my rubber plant.”

Those are the words I live by every day. Today, I am a millionaire. All from selling small hats to iguanas on Instagram, starting at $249.99.

Are you feeling burnt out from medical school, law school, dental school, engineering school, or middle school? Do you wake up every morning wishing you were financially stable and could spend your days knitting tiny socks for snails? If you answered “yes” to these questions, my online seminar is for you.

For just $379.99, I will unlock the secrets of making millions selling smaller versions of human clothing to rare pets on Instagram.

Nick G. from Mobile, Alabama, just made his first $100k selling sundresses to potbellied pigs.

Tinica C. from Blue Springs, Nebraska, made $10k in her first month selling crushed velvet scrunchies to Andalusian donkeys.

Julio M. is making $1500 a day selling festive bibs to ferrets with drooling problems.

Don’t wait a second longer to make your dreams come true. Nine out of ten urologists say, “This seminar doesn’t address the real problem here.”