“Sitting amid several plastic fast-food cups, Texas Gov. Greg Abbott signed the so-called Save Chick-fil-A bill into law on Thursday.” — NBC News, 7/19/19
I just can’t believe the terrible discrimination people are facing these days. Communities are refusing to welcome those who are different from them, telling people to go back where they came from. This is not America. As you probably guessed, I’m talking about one of the most horrible civil rights violations in American history: when the San Antonio Airport banned Chick-fil-A.
The snowflake Democrats don’t want Chick-fil-A to fulfill its God-given destiny selling fried chicken patties on buns with little pickles. But America was founded on religious freedom, which means the freedom to use your religion as a shield for legal discrimination while you funnel millions of dollars into homophobic organizations that tell kids Jesus will burn them in hell if they get gay-married.
These bleeding-heart liberals claim they are just trying to protect the rights of LGBTQ people and make everyone feel welcome. But what about the rights of people who want to turn their arteries into a viscous glob of trans fats and hate before they get on their plane, or the billionaires who want to use fried chicken to turn America into a Christofascist theocracy? Where will they feel welcome?
Now you might not have heard about this from CNN. Those Fake News-pushers only care about so-called human rights abuses like children being locked up in cages. But corporations are people too. We should all care about Chick-fil-A’s suffering. To quote Martin Niemöller, “First they came for my waffle fries, and I said nothing.”
Well, I’m saying something! And thank God Texas Governor Greg Abbott is too! He just signed the Save Chick-fil-A Law. We won’t stand by and let the nation’s third-largest fast-food chain, with locations in 47 states and annual revenues of $10.5 billion, be erased from the map by alt-left anti-fascists.
I’m glad the Lone Star State is standing up for the most mistreated and vulnerable segment of our society: cows with bad spelling. Let me remind you that the Founding Fathers made the motto of our nation E Pluribus Unum, which is actually Latin for “Eat Mor Chikin.”
Liberals just don’t understand the kind of issues that real Americans care about. They keep demanding that our governor do something about the child detention centers in our state where kids are literally being imprisoned, or the thousands who died from gun violence last year, or the people murdered by police brutality. The Great State of Texas may lead the nation in lack of health insurance and have the highest maternal mortality rate in the entire developed world, but I ask you: what about the soulless corporations who need us too?
After all, we can’t take care of everyone, so let’s take care of the corporation-people who make billions of dollars for their shadowy family of religious bigots while the bottom 99% of the country grows poorer by the day. Also Governor Abbott really likes when they send him lunch. There may be no such thing as a free lunch but there is such a thing as corrupt patronage and influence peddling!
Greg Abbott knows how to show a real commitment to religious liberty: by staging a bill signing surrounded by Chick-fil-A cups full of teeth-rotting soda. I’m glad it’s illegal to discriminate against a business just because its owner discriminates against gay people. If we don’t put a stop to this now, who knows what’s next. Telling companies they can’t use their religious beliefs to deny gay people service? That slope is slipperier than a frozen patty dropped on a greasy food court floor.
Speaking of the food court, I better go check on my newest Chick-fil-A franchise. All those boycotts from the libs have been great for business! But we’re definitely the real victims here — Corporate Lives Matter!