1. Hit him with a sock full of pennies.
2. Bite him to make him think you’re a jaguar.
3. Punch-punch-overhead kick combo.
4. Tell him that your mommy’s not home.
5. Read from a biography of a former United States president in a soothing voice.
6. Quickly make a fake female jaguar and place it in front of a large, flat stone on which you’ve painted a doorway.
7. The four legs of a chair, all moving simultaneously.
8. Pat him on the back until he burps.
9. Death roll.