Jesus: Single in his thirties
Me: Single in her thirties
Jesus: No known kids
Me: No known kids
Jesus: Gospel included messages from Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John
Me: Dating apps include messages from Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John
Jesus: Ghosted for three days
Me: Ghosted after three dates
Jesus: Saves
Me: Hoping to meet someone with savings
Jesus: Rejected temptation
Me: Accepted temptation, later rejected
Jesus: Turned water into endless wine
Me: Turned wine into endless first dates
Jesus: “Whoever believes in me will never be thirsty” – John 6:35
Me: Thirsty
Jesus Christ: Superstar!
Me: Spinster!
Jesus: “In his name”
Me: Forgot his name
Jesus: Often “takes the wheel”
Me: Often takes a Lyft
Jesus: Followers knew he was loving, tender, and heard their prayers
Me: Followers knew she was loving Tinder and dating their players
Jesus: Visited by three wise men
Me: Hoping to meet one wise man
Jesus: “Bring some of the fish which you have now caught.” – John 21:10
Me: “Please stop putting fish in your profile, John.”
Jesus: Did a forty-day fast
Me: Did a 90 Day Fiancé marathon
Jesus: By age 30, declared “son of God”
Me: By age 30, declared: “God, just let me meet someone’s son”
Jesus: Performed a miracle at a wedding
Me: Will be a miracle if I have a wedding
Jesus: Loves you
Me: Likes you, but can’t see this going anywhere. Take care!