Jesus: Single in his thirties
Me: Single in her thirties

Jesus: No known kids
Me: No known kids

Jesus: Gospel included messages from Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John
Me: Dating apps include messages from Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John

Jesus: Ghosted for three days
Me: Ghosted after three dates

Jesus: Saves
Me: Hoping to meet someone with savings

Jesus: Rejected temptation
Me: Accepted temptation, later rejected

Jesus: Turned water into endless wine
Me: Turned wine into endless first dates

Jesus: “Whoever believes in me will never be thirsty” – John 6:35
Me: Thirsty

Jesus Christ: Superstar!
Me: Spinster!

Jesus: “In his name”
Me: Forgot his name

Jesus: Often “takes the wheel”
Me: Often takes a Lyft

Jesus: Followers knew he was loving, tender, and heard their prayers
Me: Followers knew she was loving Tinder and dating their players

Jesus: Visited by three wise men
Me: Hoping to meet one wise man

Jesus: “Bring some of the fish which you have now caught.” – John 21:10
Me: “Please stop putting fish in your profile, John.”

Jesus: Did a forty-day fast
Me: Did a 90 Day Fiancé marathon

Jesus: By age 30, declared “son of God”
Me: By age 30, declared: “God, just let me meet someone’s son”

Jesus: Performed a miracle at a wedding
Me: Will be a miracle if I have a wedding

Jesus: Loves you
Me: Likes you, but can’t see this going anywhere. Take care!