Meg vs. Beth

Known as the sizzling hot sister, Meg March specializes in getting good looks and her outside game is unstoppable. She moves well without the ball and moves well at balls. But Meg’s vanity causes her to choose ill-fitting high-heeled boots known to cause ankle injuries. And she’s up against Beth, who, as an agoraphobe, has a very strong inside game. This one might just come down to which sister catches a fatal case of scarlet fever while racking up assists nursing their sick neighbors, the Hummels.

Laurie vs. Professor Bhaer

In this head-to-head matchup between Jo March’s two suitors, Laurie is the clear favorite. Rich, jovial, musical, and hot, Laurie inspires so much wetness he’ll keep the sideline mop boys busy all tournament. As Jo’s true soulmate, Laurie will be hard to beat. Professor Bhaer’s offensive strategy is inconsistent and he’s prone to foul, like when he tells Jo he doesn’t like her writing. But there’s a chance the professor is some kind of daddy/Ralph Waldo Emerson fantasy for Louisa May Alcott, so don’t count him out: Bhaer is our dark horse pick for a big upset in this tournament.

Mr. Laurence vs. Aunt March

Elderly neighbor and lovable curmudgeon Mr. Laurence appears to be an even match against elderly relative and lovable curmudgeon Aunt March. With 70+ years of experience each, these seasoned, resourceful veterans know their way around a Little Women tournament; both prefer a down-tempo game and have weak backcourts and even weaker backs. But recruitment (of big-name screen legends) and shooting (for best-supporting Oscars and Emmys) are key strengths for Aunt March, who drafted Meryl Streep for the 2019 tournament and Angela Lansbury for 2017. Expect Aunt March to win this one easily, or to die and leave Jo her house.

John Brooke vs. Hannah

Laurie’s tutor and surprise heartthrob, Mr. Brooke runs a smart offense, and he’s used it to successfully make passes at the sexiest March sister (again, Meg), who ultimately welcomed his powerful dribble penetration. But his opponent is the Marches’ full-time live-in housekeeper, Hannah. Since Hannah performs menial domestic labor with minimal rest or thanks, she might run away as this year’s Cinderella.

Mrs. March vs. Mr. March

This cross-house rivalry is hardly a competition. As a frequent volunteer for the Union war effort, Mrs. March — "Marmee” to her devoted fans — has been nearly perfect from the charity stripe. Perpetually underemployed, absentee patriarch Mr. March can’t buy a basket. Marmee’s got a long track record of excellent ball-handling and excellent everything-handling, while Mr. March mostly watches from the sidelines. Count on Marmee for an easy win here, and for a dependable shoulder to cry on.

Jo vs. Amy

Let’s be clear: Jo is the top-seeded star of the Little Women tournament. By contrast, Amy, a bubble hopeful that seemed as unlikely as the pickled limes trend, is more likely to maliciously set Jo’s novel manuscript on fire again than to light up the scoreboard. As a supposed “artist,” Amy should dominate the paint, but she’s so shallow she gazes at her reflection in the glass more than kissing the ball off it. She was almost eliminated permanently when she fell through the surface of an icy pond, but, unfortunately, she survived. Sure, Laurie married Amy after Jo rejected him, but in the end, Amy’s only good for one thing: the rebound. Even if she wins, Amy will have to spend her life fearing that at any time, Laurie and Jo might run away on a fast break.