[See the first list of things a man must do before 30 here.]

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Serenade a sleeping bobcat with a wicked bluegrass fiddle

Ball your groovy chick with Foreigner’s “Hot Blooded” on extended repeat

Insist on holding the first-ever Passover Seder inside a Riker Island’s holding cell

Finally introduce yourself to that conjoined twin facing backwards

Reenact the sewer escape from Shawshank Redemption, this time out of your office building

Take up clock building to impress a beautiful young lady

Pass yourself off as the “lost” Baldwin Brother

Nickname your genitals after FoxNews great Steve Doocy

Swim with the dolphins. And then eat them.

End a job interview with the words “no condom, no yum-yum”

Crawl inside a pizza oven to retrieve your lucky boots

Fall in love with a wombat

Lay quietly, barely breathing, beneath a beached catamaran as Sting and Trudie Styler share intimacies above you

Eat sushi off a nude Fran Lebowitz

Run for city council on the Afghan/Pakistan border

Spray paint the lyrics to Stevie Nicks’ “Leather and Lace” against the South Wall of the White House

Receive a “clothing optional” root canal

Ride a rented elephant through the streets of your hometown, proving, once and for all, that they were wrong

Lose a finger to a loan shark named “Briarpatch”