St. Petersburg Iced Tea Troll
Combine one Twitter bot, an American flag emoji, and a bald eagle avatar, then sit in a dark basement trolling libtards with misspelled words and bad grammar until your account is suspended.
Ginger beer, vodka, and a special counsel investigation into collusion between the Russian government and Donald Trump in the 2016 election. Serve in a copper mug that could easily be turned into handcuffs.
So you take some beautiful Vodka. The best vodka. Which rhymes with Ivanka. So attractive, Ivanka. Add in fake news from the failing New York Times, then stir with a rigged broom while chanting Lock Her Up. I’m telling you, this is a tremendous drink. Just tremendous.
The You’re Screwed-Driver
One part Mueller’s probe, one part Paul Manafort’s plea deal, and two parts a twitchy Trump tweeting “NO COLLUSION!” at 3 a.m. This is a beverage best enjoyed while wearing a $15,000 ostrich jacket.
Black and Tan
Sorry, but this drink is no longer allowed in the USA.
Hot Toddy of Treason
Pour whiskey, honey, and the hot water Trump got in for kissing Putin’s ass in Helsinki into a mug. Take small sips to keep your righteous indignation burning until impeachment proceedings begin.
To make this drink… I don’t really care, do you?
The Pina Kavanaugh
Pineapple, ice, and perjury are mixed with rum to make this bitter drink that feels forced down your throat. Warning: May cause loss of reproductive rights, so call your Senators before drinking.
Mai Approval Rating Is Plummeting Tai
Combine 1 oz dark rum, 1 oz amber rum, 2 tablespoons orange juice, and the 64% of the population that knows full well the moron in chief is a fucking crackpot. Add a splash of “but how the hell do 36% of people still think he’s doing a good job?”
Nutty Omorosa blends with a dash of ex-boss bitters to make this drink you’ll be heard raving about over hours and hours of secret recordings.
Dark ‘n Stormy Daniels
Fill a highball glass with ice, add dark rum, ginger beer and an X-rated film actress who may turn out to be the one that saves all our sorry asses. Garnish with a sassy slice of Michael Avenatti.
Impeachment and Cream
Drizzle peach schnapps and cream into a glass, then invoke the 25th amendment to the United States Constitution and stir with glee. This drink took way, way, wayyy too long to make, so savor it. While also low-key worrying that freakface Mike Pence might be even worse.
The Blue Wave
This November 6th, combine resistance, decency, tolerance, love, fairness, ethics, morals, and qualified non-corrupt non-fuckwad candidates to manifest this winning punch that’ll make the GOP knocked out, the Tea Party blitzed, and the patriarchy totally smashed.