Number of times the goddamn neighbors have let their dog run loose: 800,000,000.

Number of times you’ve been told to do something: 1000.

Number of stupid-ass 6,000-square-foot houses ruining an entire cove on the lake: 1.

Number of welfare cases selling pot, getting state assistance, and refusing to work, since they make more sitting there waiting for their welfare checks, having kids, and selling pot: Every goddamn one.

Number of times he has answered any given question you’ve asked him: 15 times, for Christ’s sake.

Frequency with which Hollywood liberals mistake self for genius and try to save the world: 1 every other minute.