An updated guide adapted
from De Amore
by Andreas Capellanus.
Marriage should not be a deterrent for love, nor should love be a deterrent for hooking up, nor should any of the aforementioned be a deterrent for internet porn.
Love cannot exist in the individual who cannot be jealous, but it is wiser to quash said jealousy and assume an air of casual indifference should you wish to woo your beloved.
Love constantly waxes and wanes, and when it wanes in a most aggressive manner, it is best to pick a new beloved off of Tinder.
It is necessary for the male to reach an age of maturity in order to love; however, given this unlikely circumstance, reaching an age of moderate maturity, or simply non-immaturity (e.g. knows how to cook eggs, changes underwear regularly) will suffice.
The sight of one’s beloved causes palpitations of the heart, but none such that cannot be quelled by Klonopin.
A lover should not love anyone who would be an embarrassing marriage choice, such as one who listens to Nickelback with genuine zeal.
The lover’s every deed is performed with the thought of his beloved in mind, particularly when the beloved is in need of tampons or when her trusty steed is in need of windshield ice-scraping.
There is no such thing as too much of the pleasure of one’s beloved, but there is such a thing as too much of the pressure from one’s beloved to meet her parents.
Thought of the beloved never leaves the true lover, unless, that is, the lover finds himself in the midst of his annual fantasy football draft.