SAINT BERNIE OF DOGTOWN
Hit by lightning after refusing to forward chain emails.
SAINT PHILLIP OF DELPHI
Only posted a single photo of his new baby.
SAINT BAE OF TAMPA
Resisted starting a podcast.
SAINT JOEL OF ALLENTOWN
Always followed back.
SAINT MICHELLE OF NEW ROCHELLE
Did not untag herself in any of the forty-three pictures her mother posted of their Thanksgiving dinner.
SAINT ASHLEY OF MADISON
Had a political conversation on Twitter without invoking Hitler or grammar.
SAINT LOUIE OF SAINT LOUIS
Did not masturbate in front of a single person, ever.
SAINT CHALMERS OF UTICA
Saw The Last Jedi and did not share his uninteresting opinion.
SAINT ZACHARY OF MORRISTOWN
Used hashtags only to make his posts easier to find for people interested in that specific topic.
SAINT AIDEN OF DENVER
Did not take a photograph of his dinner for an entire calendar year.
SAINT CHARLOTTE OF WEBB
Described all of her friends in one perfect .gif without ever asking for one in return.
SAINT DREW OF NEW ORLEANS
Never wrote anything that required anyone to click to read more.
SAINT HILLARY OF CLINTON
Maintained inbox zero.
SAINT WINSTON OF SALEM
Made a parody Twitter account and did not abandon it in the first month.
SAINT BIFF OF BUFFALO
Did not force conversation with a single Uber passenger.
SAINT BROCK FROM BOULDER
Believed a woman.