“Co-conspirator 1 is described in the indictment as an ‘attorney who was willing to spread knowingly false claims and pursue strategies that the defendant’s 2020 re-election campaign would not.’” — The New York Times

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“A Time Person of the Year somewhere between 2000 and 2002.”

“A formerly revered mayor-cum-sloven crony best described as a sentient portrait of Dorian Gray.”

“Toady whose marriage to his own cousin constitutes a mouse-sized corpse in his airplane hangar of skeletons.”

“The love child of an adult bookstore and a crematorium.”

“A conspiracy-peddling disgraced lawyer who would call 9/11 an inside job if he hadn’t been the mayor of New York when it happened.”

“Contestant on the seventh season of The Masked Singer who was not Kirstie Alley, Shaggy, Penn or Teller, En Vogue, Cheyenne Jackson, Duff Goldman, Joe Buck, Jorge Garcia, Jordan Mailata, Duane Chapman, Jennifer Holliday, Hayley Orrantia, Teyana Taylor, or Christie Brinkley.”

“NYU law grad and former federal prosecutor who thinks penises continue to grow throughout adulthood."

“A co-conspirator who will just be glad to be #1 at something again.”

“Butt-dialing ghoul for whom getting caught with his hand down his pants by a character actor famous for wearing a banana hammock is one of the least embarrassing life events of his last decade.”

“[A] man who is not Jewish, thank God.”