Disney Imagineers Meeting
Kushner accidentally attended a creative development meeting of the Disney Imagineers after mistaking it for the churro line. Once he realized his mistake, Kushner had only two suggestions for the park: 1.) less ghosts in the Haunted Mansion (too spooky) and 2.) a dedicated “nose-bleed” tent near the Ferris Wheel. Both suggestions were taken under advisement.
Starbucks Shareholder Meeting
Kushner wandered into a Starbucks shareholder meeting in Manhattan last year. Once he realized where he was, the young man panicked, for coffee has been known to upset his delicate stomach. He spent the remainder of the meeting trapped in a storage closet.
SNL Tuesday Night Pitch Session
Kushner inexplicably found himself seated at a table with Lorne Michaels and the cast of SNL in the winter of 2014. Despite having no comedic pedigree, he was strangely adamant that they accept his sketch about a muscular real estate mogul named “Gerald Bushner” who impresses his father-in-law by benching two school buses.
Louisville Ladies’ Monday Night Book Club
While traveling through Louisville, Kentucky in 2012, Kushner mistook polite small talk with an older woman for an open invitation to her regular book club. Upon arrival, Kushner threw a fit because someone had already finished all the Rice Krispie squares. He pouted for the remainder of the discussion of The Kite Runner.
Fidel Castro’s Funeral
In a move that no one has been able to adequately explain, Kushner was seen attending Fidel Castro’s funeral in Cuba last winter. When asked about the matter, he only cryptically replied that he had “misread the email.” He fell in the grave no less than nine times, according to eyewitnesses.
Whilst desperately searching for his own wedding ceremony with Ivanka Trump, Kushner accidentally attended several weddings around the country between 2007 and 2009. He would often disrupt the ceremonies by loudly whispering, “I think I’m supposed to be up there,” from the pews.
West Lafayette, Indiana City Council Meeting
Determined to negotiate world peace with America’s adversaries, Kushner booked a plane ticket to Afghanistan earlier this year. Through a Home Alone-esque travel error, however, he wound up attending a small town City Council meeting in Indiana. Unaware of his blunder, he verbally threatened several local school teachers, referred to Purdue Pete as a “terrorist”, and complained loudly about the unbearable “desert heat.”
Nike Quarterly Sales Meeting
Kushner mistakenly attended a sales projection meeting at Nike headquarters last year, convinced he had found the Russia Collusion meeting he had been looking for.