scandals

Now That the Secret Job Search Is Over, My First Act as President of Your University Is to Be Completely Honest About My Questionable Qualifications For This Important Position

List: Mueller Does Shakespeare

Before You Call Out Our Hypocrisy, Let Us Remind You That We Don’t Care

The Life Changing Magic of Covering Up, By Attorney General William Barr

Every Test Result On Your Medical Report Indicates Cancer So I Feel Confident In Summarizing Your Diagnosis as “No Cancer”

Screw You, Losers! Our Narcissistic, Corrupt, Racist, Anti-Science, Transphobic, Sexist, Classist, Nationalistic, Serial-Lying Adulterer President Didn’t Collude With Russia to Help Win an Already Gerrymandered Election!

A Statement from the University of Pennsylvania Regarding the College Admissions Bribery Scandal

In My Day, All It Took to Get into Yale Was Gumption, Hard Work, and Being a Direct Male-Line Descendent of William Howard Taft

Although He Has Made Zero Effort to Make Amends, It Is Time to Bring Steve the Masturbator Back to Our Office

After Hours of Tough Negotiations With Legal Scholar Rudy Giuliani, I’ve Decided to End My Special Counsel Investigation Into the Trump Campaign