Jesus
Jesus’ dad
Bathroom attendant at Olive Garden
Checker Cabs
Whoever’s cleaning up what I did outside my apartment
Please help support our writers and keep our site ad-free by becoming a patron.
McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
Join our Patreon at $10/month (or more) and receive a coupon for a discount on the Decorative Gourd Beanie, Gourd mugs, and our glorious new Advent Calendar. Help support our writers and keep our site ad-free.
Suggested Reads
Trending 🔥
-
September 20, 2024It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
-
September 30, 2024Faculty, Rejoice: Gmail Can Now Translate “Deanspeak”
-
September 25, 2024I Am a Lady, and Donald Trump Is My Protector
-
August 19, 2024Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1–1,056
Recently
-
October 8, 2024I Am the School Custodian in Charge of Classroom Litter Boxes. Ask Me Anything
-
October 8, 2024I Only Offered to Do the Dishes at This Dinner Party So I Can Keep Eating
-
October 7, 2024We’re Turning Our Emergency Room into a Spirit Halloween
-
October 7, 2024Nine Great Thinkers Offer Manifestos for Getting Your Kid Out the Door on Time