3rd Period Physical Education
Sunny View High School
Instructor: Coach Steigmeyer
Since the ancient Greeks, Physical Education has always been a cornerstone of a young person’s learning. Here at Sunny View HS, I take fitness and health very seriously, and believe that a strong body makes for a healthy mind. However, due to district-wide budget cuts the course will reflect a few minor adjustments this year.
First, because of a shortage of classroom space due to over-enrollment, we will now only have access to the gymnasium for one class a month. In case you get excited for that one session, though, we’ll be sharing the gym with Mr. Fessenden’s Drama class. Have you ever heard thirty people shout the words “zip zap zop” for forty-five minutes straight? Do you know what a grown man looks like when he’s portraying the “essence of a Velociraptor”? For every other class session, we’ll be in the former art room, which (amazingly) is still filled with easels and smocks and Play-Doh crud. But Physical Education is still a “valuable and integral part of the Sunny View curriculum,” apparently, so we will do our best to stay active. Because it is important — even the ancient Greeks knew that.
A. Visualization: Top athletes often “visualize” their success in the game before even taking the field. Along these lines, we’ll be visualizing the activities we could be doing if we had the facilities and equipment. Common visualizations might include weight training, broom ball, volleyball, swimming, and having fun exercising together.
B. Mental Toughness: You often hear it said that 50% of the game is won in your head. In 3rd period Physical Education, I’m adding that other 50%.
C. John Cougar Mellencamp: They haven’t (yet) taken away my Cougar tapes, so we will still pump the tunes through my personal boombox that I brought from home. “Ain’t that America,” LOL.
D. Running Outside: Doesn’t this seem like a reasonable exercise for high schoolers? To get out of our claustrophobic classroom for some fresh air? Do you know how much a liability lawsuit costs? Do you know how the district defines “instructor negligence”?
E. Games: Do you like to play soccer? Football? Do you know how the district defines a “dangerous projectile”??
F. My Stories: Even after they’ve come for my Cougar tapes, they can’t ever take away my personal anecdotes of past glory. Did you know I made State’s football team as a walk-on and took a snap during our romp to the ‘88 conference finals? Do you know about how people get superhuman strength during times of crisis, and can you imagine me lifting up a Corolla to free a lady who was screaming her head off because her leg was trapped? You will.
A. Attendance and Tardiness: If I have to be here, then so do you.
B. Staying Within Eyesight: Because there are 45 of you this year, we won’t have a snowball’s chance of fitting in the old art room. Therefore, half of you will have to move outside and gather at the classroom’s windows. Because there is only one of me (no $$$ for a teacher’s assistant this year, LOL), you must stay within eyesight. Just because you are outside doesn’t mean you can wander away. Think I won’t notice you leave? Think you can make it to the tree line before I catch you? Wondering how much gas Old Steigmeyer’s got left in the tank? Try me. Please.
C. Dropping the Course: Probably a good idea. Send me an email (NeedForSteig@yahoo.com) with all the reasons you want to drop the class. Make sure to cc email@example.com.