The car repeatedly pulls off freeways to visit Sonic Drive-In when the passenger consensus was clearly Waffle House.

The internet-enabled navigation AI googled the plot of iRobot and will not stop screaming.

The laser-guided LIDAR system is bringing down too many passenger planes.

The vehicle keeps interpreting the road as a single enormous child it is running over and will veer off a cliff to avoid it.

The navigation program is uninspired by rote and clichéd sense of depth and direction present in the natural world, and refuses to drive until reality develops a sense of abstraction and a more original color palette.

Despite our best efforts, the direction “left” remains out of reach.

Passengers are unnerved by the dashboard computer’s constant inquiries about what physical love feels like.

The Bon Iver Songs To Cry To mix CD in the center console doesn’t have “Blood Bank” on it.

Repeated lightning strikes to the car have failed to bring it to life, and in fact, have done the exact opposite.

Barring a fix, the user interface currently moans, “Thank you,” whenever anything is put into the cup holder.

It appears to view horses as competition and frantically tries to eliminate them.

Our recent bug patch seems to have failed to fix the car’s fuel-gauge issue and has instead given the vehicle the ability to feel pain.

The seat warmers reject and attack passengers like white blood cells.

Our in-vehicle self-diagnostic software is always blaming the government for all its problems.

On particularly sunny days, the car can mistake bright-colored vehicles for God.

The car seems to have developed, with no human intervention, a warrior’s code of honor to cope with all the pedestrians it has killed.

We are currently in legal arbitration with Waymo over whether their Google logo has been infringed upon by our Google logo.

Due to the refusal of every mayor in America to let us test our car on their streets, we have only been able to road-test in the Alaskan Kodiak Forest.

As such, the car now views Kodiak bears as people and people as wildlife.

The car views braking as an admission of failure.