“3000 people did not die in the two hurricanes that hit Puerto Rico. When I left the Island, AFTER the storm had hit, they had anywhere from 6 to 18 deaths. As time went by it did not go up by much. Then, a long time later, they started to report really large numbers, like 3000… This was done by the Democrats in order to make me look as bad as possible…” — @realDonaldTrump, 9/13/18

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At this time, in the face of a concentration of so-called “evidence” that many in the mainstream media are presenting as fact, I believe it is more important than ever to direct Americans to use their ultimate discretion when consuming their news from public, non-White House-approved sources. Chief among the many exaggerations and lies floating around out there this month is the idea that the United States controls an island, filled with Americans, that was at some point in dire straits as a result of a catastrophic hurricane, and this administration did nothing to aid them. This is an utter fabrication, and I believe it prudent to remind both journalists and concerned citizens that Puerto Rico is merely a theory.

Time and time again, we see the Left and their cohorts in the liberal media attempt to convince us that there is an island of Mexicans floating around out there that we, for some reason, own. That is not Puerto Rico — that is Cuba. And while it is an island populated by Mexicans, it belongs to Spain, not America. Many experts agree that it is entirely common for these islands to exist. In fact, observing geohistorical records, it is not uncommon to see new islands filled with Mexicans appear every five to ten years, sometimes in packs. This is simply how the Earth works. Do not fall into the trap of believing any of these are Puerto Rico. Much like El Dorado, Atlantis, or Argentina, Puerto Rico is a myth peddled among housewives, or as the Mexicans refer to them, pueblos. Further, it is a well-known fact that Mexicans are both waterproof and shatterproof, and reject up to 99 percent of harmful UV rays, effectively rendering them impervious to hurricanes.

It is absolutely reprehensible that the media would deceive the American people into believing that, God forbid, even if there had been at any point a Puerto Rico, that we did not come to the aid of suffering people. I would direct your attention to Hawaii. Hawaii is an empty, vacant volcano used most often by the Japanese as a parking lot for boats. If there were ever any Japanese stuck on Hawaii while it was raining, or something of that nature, we would absolutely use the full array of logistical resources at our disposal to save every American on the island. The Japanese are mostly giant robots and anthropomorphic animals with special powers and do not require the same level of attention as real Americans.

Now, more than ever, during the heart of a difficult storm season, I ask Americans everywhere to trust in their leadership at the federal level, and place their faith in our expansive capabilities to shelter and protect Americans from the worst nature has to offer as we have done so many times before. I want to finally put to rest this idea of “Puerto Rico,” and assure all of our citizens in whichever of the continental, landlocked states they currently reside to think positively and remember that this administration will do everything in its power to protect Americans at risk. Please, respect our efforts at ensuring the safety and security of our citizens everywhere.

Do your civic duty. Deny Puerto Rico every which way you can.