Why is the bus 30 minutes late?

Why, while we were all waiting patiently on 31st street, did a bus pull up to the curb, sit for 5 minutes, and then drive away?

Is another bus coming?

Fuck, is it raining?

Didn’t the weather report say “partly cloudy with zero percent chance of precipitation”?

Wait, okay, that looks like it’s our bus, right?

Can we get on?

Is anyone in charge?

What time is it?

Should we storm the bus?

Why are the two people wearing Megabus uniforms just HANGING OUT AND CHATTING in front of the bus, when it is POURING and there’s an increasingly restless mass of people who were told they’d be halfway through Jersey by now?

Should I say something?

Will anyone else say something?


What’s the point of saving money if you’re going to be soaking wet for 4 ½ hours?

Is a little contrition, a little empathy so much to ask, Megabus?

Oh Jesus, how did I pick the smelliest person on the bus as my seatmate?

Does she know she smells this bad?

Why is she taking off her shirt?

Why is she putting it back on—ON OR OFF, LADY, THAT’S ENOUGH ARM MOVEMENT!

And who’s that clown across the aisle, eating cornbread and getting crumbs everywhere like this is a goddamn kindergarten picnic?

What if I die with these people?

What’s that Sartre quote, “Hell is other people on the Megabus”?

Uhh, where are we?

Why are we pulling over to the side of the highway?

Why are we stopped in front of… Maryland State Police Headquarters?

Does our driver have a license?

A passport?

Is he a real bus driver?

Is Megabus a front for some kind of mob operation or prostitution ring?

Why is there a small Asian girl standing at the front of the bus and facing us with a smile, like she’s about to tell us that the bus driver was shot by the firing squad and she’ll be taking over for the rest of the ride?

Is the bus driver dead?

Did I know him long enough to miss him?


What I want to know is: how can you run a business like this?

Seriously, with this shitty laissez-faire policy you’ve adopted regarding timeliness and sticking to a route and other basic bus company standards, how can you even compete with Boltbus?

How do you stay afloat?

Who are your investors?

Whatever happened to integrity?

Don’t you care about anyone?

How do you sleep at night?

If I wanted a leisurely 5-hour stroll through Crazytown, don’t you think I’d take my grandfather to the canned food aisle at Trader Joe’s?

Am I taking this piece of shit back to New York on Saturday?

Is it too late to cancel?

Can I afford Amtrak?