1. Did you just look at the clock thinking it was 3 p.m. to discover it’s only 9:40 a.m.?
2. Do you have half a bag of freeze-dried mango in your purse and/or back pocket?
3. Is the inside of your purse sandy for some reason?
4. Does your local librarian hate you?
5. Do you have a temporary tattoo of a sloth saying “Heeey!” on your forearm?
6. Have you ever promised a lollipop in exchange for being allowed to put socks on your child?
7. Did you go down a slide today?
8. Do you keep a child-sized toilet in the trunk of your SUV?
9. Are your shins always inexplicably bruised?
10. Have you ever put blueberries in oatmeal, then taken blueberries out of oatmeal, then put blueberries back in oatmeal, then left the kitchen in retreat?
11. Do you follow three different Instagram accounts about feeding toddlers?
12. Did you just announce that “The Rock is actually a pretty good singer” after your hundredth viewing of Moana?
13. Do you look ten years older than you did two years ago?
If you answered yes to any or all of the above, then your child is two. Isn’t it about time for another?