RE: Elopement?

RE: Elopement?
Subject: Elopement?
Date: 10/03/2016

Dear Linda,

I wanted to check in per our conversation this past Thursday regarding our elopement. I looked over some dates and as it is right now, the 9th of October works best for me. Let me know how that looks for you.

As always, the instant I saw you my soul did outstrip my body to cosmically entwine with yours. There it shall stay, my truest love, as we leave the shackles of our false lives behind to yoke together.

See ya,
Dan

Hi Dan,

I’ve looked over my work schedule and the 9th only works for me from about 1-3 PM. I worry that’s not enough time for this whole thing to take place, especially because I was hoping we could go to Maui? I’m open to that and any other tropical locale featured by the Bachelor franchise. I’m free the 13th for the entire day except for a 10:15 AM oral surgeon appointment.

But dare I say I need bodily mending when I have you to soothe the wounds of my spirit? I yearn for you to speak sweet truths into my willing ears, my willing heart, my eager womanhood. Until then, do not forget me.

Thanks,
Linda

Hey Linda,

The 13th is tough because of the Bridgewater presentation, With this quarter’s projections the way they are, I can’t be taking days off around then. I think Maui’s a little contrived but I’m definitely open to Bangkok. Are you a Delta Skymiles member?

My sweetheart, I knew not that I was here until I felt you holding me, absolving me. In Bangkok, we will weld ourselves together through marriage’s metal, but doubt not that already I am irrevocably yours. In Bangkok, we will at last be as we are meant to be, liberated of tautology and false living. In Bangkok, we will seize upon every nuance of the city’s double entendre.

Later,
Dan

Hi Dan,

In that case, I’m open to eloping on the 24th. Sometimes it feels like you prioritize your work schedule over mine but I’m sure that will work itself it out. By the way, do you want kids and are you religious? I am not a Delta Skymiles member, but I do have about 23,000 JetBlue TrueBlue miles.

My breasts heave upon my clavicles heave upon isthmus when your name I hear. With my maiden’s body then contorted, I doubt not that I may entrust myself to you. This cruel, dull world spirals on but with you, I know I have carved an acre of Arcadia. Darling, an acre is all I need.

Thanks again,
Linda

Hi Linda,

Yes on religion, iffy on kids. Also honestly, iffy on your JetBlue customer loyalty. Anyway, the 24th is okay for me but I have to be back by 4 PM on the 25th for a happy hour. It’s a work thing in that it’s a social thing, yada yada yada, I can’t get out of it.

Now that our path is set, my heart reverberates patriot strong. Patriotic not for this fraudulent American promise, but patriotic for the homestead we are forging at the helm of flushed feet. At LaGuardia Terminal B, I will meet you, 11:15 AM at the Einstein Bros Bagels. Bring only what can fit a carry-on bag because I refuse to pay airline fees.

Peace,
Dan