I understand that you have to send this sales order to the customer, and that it has to go out overnight. But I have yet to see a completed Logistics Form 10B from you or anyone in your department, and without that documentation, I can’t ship anything Priority. I apologize if my tone seems aggressive, but you’ve been here for over six months now, and this constant unpreparedness is not how we work at SexHole Products.

I can get the merchandise out, but you have to resubmit the order: I can’t believe how many errors there are. First off, you left the requested quantity for the Double-Ended Dildos blank. Then in the next line you added ten thousand Vibrating Butt Plugs. Nobody needs ten thousand Vibrating Butt Plugs, so double check that number. And you put a second generation Bullet Vibrator on there, which we haven’t sold in over a year, because the attached ferrites aren’t FCC compliant. Change that for a third gen please.

Also, as this is going to Lesbienne-Aimés in Paris, I doubt they want seventy-five Stretch Clamp Cock Rings (SCCR-2XX). I assume they requested seventy-five Silicone Covered Pocket Rockets (SCPR-2XX)? I cannot stress enough how important is is to read SHP’s SOP on naming adult erotic implements. Those codes are more than just a jumble of numbers and letters.

Next, you included one Fistrammer and one Rotating Vibro Slapper, neither of which is a shippable unit. They must be work-ordered into a single SKU, the Pain Palace (PP-8T), and only then will we be able to validate. Of course, right now we don’t have any Slappers in stock, so that’s irrelevant. And no, partial shipping is no longer an option after what happened with Dicks for Less. If you don’t remember that, look for an email I sent you in October. I don’t remember the subject line exactly, but I’m sure if you search “wrong zip code,” “partial shipment,” and “pre-school,” it will come up.

If the inventory has to leave tonight, I would suggest swapping out the Pain Palace for the Pound Cannon. The end effect is more or less the same; the only difference is the user puts their genitals into the opening of the tube. It takes all kinds of genitals, and it costs seventy percent as much as the Palace. You have to clean it more often, but you get what you pay for. Of course, you know all this because you read our product catalog, right?

Lastly, in the “Notes” section, you wrote “Add in some anal beads.” We can’t just add in anal beads. We have over one hundred different types of anal beads, ranging in color, material, and size. You may not think there’s much of a difference between a 25mm and 125 mm anal bead, but it is very noticeable to our customers.

Please finish revising the order, send me the completed shipping form with your VP’s approval attached, and I’ll make sure it goes out tonight. I’m sorry for coming down so hard on you, but you have to pay attention to the details to ensure your buyer gets the best experience possible. “The Customer Comes First” is more than just a clever company slogan for us. It’s something we believe in.

Matthew Pincus
Inventory Manager, SexHole Products