“You get me so hot I have to put on my moisture-wicking pajamas.”

“I’m gonna rock this bed so hard you’ll have to change your sleep number.”

“I want you between my legs like my memory-foam thigh pillow.”

“You get me wetter than the floor under our budget brand humidifier.”

“I’m gonna envelop you like this organic Scandinavian duvet cover.”

“I want you on me like my weighted blanket in early fall.”

“Touch me like you touch your Tempurpedic.”

“Are you drooling over my hot body, or is your mail-order mouthguard just leaking?”

“My body needs you like it needs this elevated head position.”

“You breathe life into me like my full-face CPAP mask.”