Classification Title: Visiting Assistant Adjunct
Working Title: Department Head’s Lackey
Position Number: 000.5
Salary: $38,000

The School of Communications, Businesses, and Queer Studies in the Fränk Malamarde College of Impossibilities at Southeastern Middlestill University invites applications for a visiting adjunct professor in nonprofit management to begin in August.

We seek a candidate who is a field researcher first and a teacher second to teach six courses per semester, including a minimum of five individual preparations each semester. Our undergraduate courses cover three distinct but overlapping tracks: Fancy, Business Casual, and Careers to Make Parents Weep. The successful candidate will teach courses in each track as well as design and manage the implementation of a fourth track.

Areas of research specialization may include or exclude population coding, bowling, back-propagation, ping-pong, and departmental coups. Candidates should have immense familiarity with the terms “problematic” and “onus.”

Position type: Facultyish
Campus: Northwestern Mayberry
Special instructions for applicants: This position is open until we find a tenured faculty member who desires a spousal hire.

A total of six (6) documents are required to complete the online application. Our application platform allows the attachment of five (5) documents. The maximum size for each document is schmedium.

In addition to completing the online application, please send the following via expedited snail mail: a cover letter, curriculum vitae, copies of unofficial transcripts, copies of official transcripts, blood sample, two (2) baby teeth, ten (10) copies of most recent book (signed), unicorn jerky, and seven (7) letters of recommendation.

Letters of recommendation should be addressed to Dr. Barrington Paddington, RIP. Letters of recommendation may be scanned and emailed to: The letters should also be sent via snail mail to: Dr. Barrington Paddington, RIP, Search Committee Chair, School of Communications, Businesses, and Queer Studies, Fränk Malamarde College of Impossibilities, Southeastern Middlestill University, 24777 University Parkway, College Park, NC, 28500, but they must be sent to Dr. Paddington’s office in 1992.

Individuals with disabilities requiring accommodations, please yell loudly for help.

Class code: 7583