Dear Scout (and family),
We at Rollover Academy applaud your decision to enroll in our institution of higher learning. When Congress passed the No Behind Left Unsniffed Act over ten years ago, Rollover Academy’s academic transformation was already well underway. No longer is it enough to simply obey — today’s dog must learn how to think. We believe that an interdisciplinary approach to canine education will help prepare you to lead a successful life in the 21st century. That’s why all of our Certified Professional Dog Trainers have Masters in Education from the Leash-Holders College at Columbia University, with extensive backgrounds in Science, Technology, Engineering or Mathematics. Please select from the STEM courses below for the coming semester:
Who’s a Good Boy? Boolean vs. Fuzzy Logic
[Mathematics, Computer Science]
Through advanced mathematical applications, we will move beyond the simple binary paradigm of good dog/bad dog, as we harness the power of quantum computing to show how dogs can be both “good” and “bad” at the same moment (even while peeing on an owner’s favorite pair of slippers).
[Engineering, Computer Science, Technology]
Dogs will work in teams to construct and program the perfect cat-startling machine. Each team’s design will be evaluated on its originality, range of motion, sophistication of programmed behaviors, and height of target subject’s terrified, yowling leap.
Dogs will take bone-finding to the next level as we use the latest in GPS mobile technology along with USGS topographical overlays to reliably bury tasty treats (as well as owners’ reading glasses, car keys, and passports).
The Physics of Fetch
[Physics, Robotics, Botany, Biology]
Dogs will learn how variations in atmospheric conditions, age and species of a source tree, and the idiosyncrasies of an owner’s throwing motion all contribute to the likely trajectory of a stick’s path. We will employ motion capture technology to analyze the biomechanics of several throwing styles, and also determine which species of tree produces the most aerodynamic sticks for optimal fetch routines.
[Mathematics, Culinary Technology]
Dogs will combine knowledge from the diverse fields of statistical analysis, game theory, and molecular gastronomy to determine the likelihood, at any given moment, that they will be eating bacon. At our final session, special guest lecturers Paul Krugman and Michael Pollan will present their thoughts on how the Keynesian resurgence of 2008 led to an increase in organic pork production.
McGruff the Crime Dog Presents: CSI
Utilizing our state of the art mobile crime lab, dogs will learn the latest techniques in forensics and biometrics, as they identify the cause of death and likely suspects in the murder of the dead bird they just dropped on your doorstep.
Mastering Social Media
[Computer Science, Psychology]
Dogs will learn how to broaden their friendship networks while leveraging their brand using the most popular social media for dogs (Barc!, SitStay, Poodl, Kibblr, and Instapant).
[Engineering, Computer Science]
3D desktop printers have revolutionized STEM education (as well as the cheap, plastic tchochke industry), and we at Rollover Academy are excited to offer this brand-new course where dogs will use CAD (Computer-Aided Design) to create and then manufacture their own second-rate chew toy.
Coding for Canines
[Computer Science, Mathematics, Technology]
Our Information Technology Department offers three levels of programming instruction:
Beginner: Scratch – Not Just For Fleas! Even the youngest puppies can learn the basics of scripting while creating interactive games with this fun, drag-and-drop programming language developed at M.U.T.
Intermediate: PurinaScript™ Dogs will learn the basics of web architecture while designing their own dogfood review website using PurinaScript™, along with the web application framework, Rover on Rails.
Advanced: Mobile App Development Our most advanced course will fully prepare dogs who are looking for a career in software development. As a final project, they will create a hydrant-finding application for the iPhone using the Objective-P programming language.
Please note: Our STEM classes are extremely popular, and student enrollment is assigned on a first-come, first-served basis. Rollover Academy does not discriminate on the basis of gender, orientation, or breed (except for bulldogs, which are really, really stupid).