Okay, first off, we LOVE the new report. It’s big, it’s bold, it’s scary. Really going to freak people out. Bravo. It’s practically perfect—we just have a few, tiny notes. Nothing crazy.

Our main piece of feedback is that there’s a lot going on: rising seas, fire tornadoes, social unrest, refugees, food shortages, economic collapse, heat death, extinction—think we need to align on one or two horrors, max. We don’t need another Midsommar situation. Remember the ozone layer? That was super focused; giant hole in the sky, no more hairspray. Let’s get closer to that.

Next, we LOVE how much diversity you included, but it does seem like most of the bad stuff happens to people of color. There’s just no way that’s going to fly in 2021. Can you make at least one of the islands that slide into the ocean a white nation? We’re picturing Jeff Goldblum as an eccentric billionaire refusing to evacuate as his gold-plated Hummer fills with seawater. Like a more woke Titanic.

Question about the plot: it’s a lot like the previous reports. We love a sequel, but the predictions are almost exactly the same, just worse and earlier. Wondering if we want to shake it up a bit and have it be less horror-y? What if we did a multi-camera comedy? Or, hear us out, a romcom?? Zazie Beetz plays the frustrated, hot-but-doesn’t-know-it scientist and Matt Damon is the slimy politician being paid off by oil companies. They meet-cute at a congressional hearing and it gets Extremely Hot (working title).

If we do stick to horror, would love to introduce some new characters. For example, the report says that global sea level rise—approaching 6.6 feet by 2100—cannot be ruled out, but we didn’t notice any mermaids. Seems like a missed opportunity.

Also curious about this line: “Life on Earth can recover from a drastic climate shift by evolving into new species and creating new ecosystems … humans cannot.” What if they could though? We’re thinking a fire-proof race of Timothée Chalamets.

Not necessarily a note, just wanted to say that we love the part where the Amazon rainforest turns into a desert in fifteen years. Could be very cool from a visual perspective (the CGI team is already creaming their pants over this). Consider a Pixar spinoff? Up 2?

At some point, we might want to break the fourth wall and see the report’s writers, Adaptation style. We love the idea of a group of depressed climate scientists who’ve hit rock bottom lying in a pile of composted pizza crusts. Maybe one of them sees a soccer mom idling in her car, bashes in her windshield with a reusable water bottle, and gets thrown into an insane asylum? Angelina is looking for work, FYI.

Lastly, and this is kinda big, we’re not totally sold on the tipping points —we love the whole domino effect thing and how when one system collapses, all the other systems collapse, leading to irreversible loss and suffering, but it seems like the whole story would be over after that. Not sure we’re ready to retire the Civilization franchise. America hasn’t even done a female president yet!

Anyway, lots to chew on. Know you had 234 scientists working on this, but let us know if you want to bring on any fresh writers to tackle changes. Happy to give Jordan Peele a call.