“The Lunk Alarm of J. Alfred Prufrock”
I’m addicted-way o-tay ose-thay ape-gray ootsie-tay olls-ray ey-thay ave-hay in-way e-thay ont-fray. It’s ind-kay of-way a-way oblem-pray.
Let us go then, you and I,
Spend an evening spreading out our thighs
Like a man passed-out drunk on a yoga mat;
Let us go, through La Puente’s half-deserted streets
Filled with delicious eats
Of late-night taco trucks and Taco Bells
Tacos served in Doritos taco shells:
Let’s go and have an argument
With the person who spent
Ten damn minutes on their phone on the only machine…
Oh, do not ask, “Can we use it for a little bit?”
Fuck this, let’s eat tacos and take a shit.
In the room the assholes come and go
Not re-racking their weights — damn mofos.
“The Hollow Legged”
We are the hollow legged
We are the stuffed men
Too much pizza, filled with crap. My ass!
Our thighs in shorts, when
They slide together
Are noisy and loquacious
That dude smells of grass
Too much pizza, holding in gas
While I try sit-ups
This is the parking lot
Cars here are banged up a lot
Here the stone curbs
Are hit, here they receive
The application discarded by a hand
Disgusted by the 54-dollar cancellation fee
Is it like this
At 24-Hour Fitness
Working out alone
At the hour when we are
Too tired to do this shit
Lips that promise to be fit
Form prayers to Starbucks scones.
The Waist Band
For Eazy Pounds
La migliore e più grassa
What are these machines, what progress shows
Out of this elliptical? Son of a bitch,
You cannot say, or guess, for you know only
That the soap dispensers, except for the left one, are broken
And the bike in front of the CNN TV is out of order
And there is a long line for the water fountain.
There is comfort on the sweat-coated massage chair,
(Come in and sit on the sweat-coated massage chair)
And I will show you something different from either
Ringworm behind you
Or shingles rising to meet you
I will show you fear in a handful of armpit stank.
“Four Core Reps”
We shall not cease from binge eating
And the end of all our working out
Will be to arrive at the weight where we started
And know the pointlessness of this crap for the hundredth time.