Customer Support Call Log #3957

- - -

TECHNICIAN: “Thank you for calling Mamet’s Appliance Center, today. The fuck you want?”

CUSTOMER: “My dishwasher is broken. Everything is… everything is…”


CUSTOMER: “No, no. More like. . .”

TECHNICIAN:“ “Unclean.”

CUSTOMER: “Not exactly.”


CUSTOMER: “Yes. Fucked.”

TECHNICIAN: “Let me repeat that back. ‘The dishwasher is fucked,’ is that correct, sir?”



CUSTOMER: “Sir, are you still the fuck there?”

TECHNICIAN: “Yes. I’m… So whadda we do?”

CUSTOMER: “We fix it.”

TECHNICIAN: “The dishwasher?”

CUSTOMER: “Yeah, the dishwasher. The fuck you think?”

TECHNICIAN: “How do I fix it?”

CUSTOMER: “You’re asking me?”

TECHNICIAN: “I’m asking you, how do I fix it?”

CUSTOMER: “How do I fix it?”

TECHNICIAN: “Yeah. How. Do. I. Fix. It?”

CUSTOMER: “Why you gotta be like that?”

TECHNICIAN: “Like what?”

CUSTOMER: “Nevermind.”

TECHNICIAN: “Is it making a funny noise?”

CUSTOMER: “Funny is subjective.”

TECHNICIAN: “Is there power?”

CUSTOMER: “Yes, I think so.”

TECHNICIAN: “Is it leaking?”

CUSTOMER: “Well, there’s a puddle of water underneath.”

TECHNICIAN: “Fuck. That’s bad. Really fucking bad.”

CUSTOMER: “I know. What do I do?”

TECHNICIAN: “We’re not panicking. That’s what we’re not doing. Murray panicked. ’85 thereabouts.”

CUSTOMER: “Fuckin’ Murray. In ’85.”

TECHNICIAN: “Fuckin’ Murray.”


CUSTOMER: “So what do I do?”

TECHNICIAN: “You’re asking me?”

CUSTOMER: “I’m asking you, Whadda I do?”

TECHNICIAN: “I don’t know. Shit. This is bad. Really fucking bad…”

CUSTOMER: “You’re telling me.”

TECHNICIAN: “I’m telling you.”

CUSTOMER: “What do I do?”

TECHNICIAN: “Call the guy.”

CUSTOMER: “The guy?”

TECHNICIAN: “The fixer guy.”

CUSTOMER: “I thought you were the fixer guy.”

TECHNICIAN: “The fuck? No the other… please hold, sir… [sounds of a weeping woman in the background, then frantic whispering] You still the fuck there?”


TECHNICIAN: “I’ll send the guy out. Day after tomorrow.”

CUSTOMER: “You’re sending the guy?”

TECHNICIAN: “What I say?”

CUSTOMER: “You’re sending the guy.”

TECHNICIAN: “I’m sending the fucking guy, for fuck’s sake.”

CUSTOMER: “Sorry. I didn’t mean…”

TECHNICIAN: “You didn’t mean. You didn’t mean. Fuck.”

CUSTOMER: “Don’t be like that.”

TECHNICIAN: “Sure, sure, it’s okay. Is there anything else I can help you with, today?”

CUSTOMER: “No, that’s it.”

TECHNICIAN: “Thank you for calling Mamet’s Appliance Center. Have a nice fucking day.”